


not actually a paramedic/protestor au but definitely A Thing

by Enj_y



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Blind Ancom, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Neopronouns, Nonbinary Character, Other, Paramedic/Protester AU, Posadist uses xe/xem pronouns, Probably some more characters I’m not sure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28183722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enj_y/pseuds/Enj_y
Summary: Ancom gets maced at a protest. Qi’s brought to Commie. Ended up with blind Ancom.
Relationships: Anarcho-Communism/Communism (Centricide), leftist unity - Relationship
Comments: 167
Kudos: 158





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Look I ended up taking a bit of inspiration from The Drunk Leading the Blind by Juanjoltaire, check her out, she’s lovely. 
> 
> Anyway, hope yall enjoy  
> (YES I KNOW I HAVE UNFINISHED FICS)

The sun had begun to set on the protest in DC, but that didn’t mean Ancom was going home. Qi gripped qir bat tightly in qir hands, ready to bash in a skull if it was necessary. People of every race, colour, and creed surrounded qim on all sides, many holding signs and most shouting. The riot officers had their shields up, facing the crowd as they unleashed another round of tear gas. Ancom was near the front of the crowd, but even though most of qir face was covered by qir bandana, qi still got a few lungs full of tear gas.

One of the cops nearest to qim raised a gun, and even though qi knew they were only able to fire rubber bullets, those things could still do a shitload of damage. He was aiming at—fuck, was that a child?! “Oh, don’t you fucking dare!” Ancom shouted, rushing forwards. Qi could feel qir Converse clicking against the sidewalk as qi brandished qir bat, knocking it against the riot shield. “Fucking pigs!” Qi growled, but suddenly a can was being drawn, and something was spraying from it, spilling into qir eyes and nose, burning qir throat and causing qim to tear up. Qi felt a pair of arms catch qim and help qim to a standing position, guiding one of qir arms over their shoulder, and putting one of their arms around qir waist. “Just follow me. I’ll bring you to the med tents.” The voice was soft and gentle, hinted just slightly with an accent that qi couldn’t put qir finger on. Ancom tried to open qir eyes, but whenever qi did, the entire world blurred into a mass of bright lights and messy colours, and qir eyes stung even worse than before. The two of them walked for what felt like several minutes, until qi found qimself sitting down in what qi assumed was a tent based on the temperature difference.  
  


“Attacked a cop,” The person who’d led qim here said. Her accent was more pronounced now, and Ancom was able to pick out that it was Russian. “Looked like the bastard was going to shoot a kid with a rubber bullet, and this one freaked.” Could you blame qim? If qi could have, qi totally would have knocked his skull against the pavement…

“Damn. Can’t blame them, but that’s…” The other voice was deep and somewhat gruff, with a very pronounced Russian accent. 

“A dumb move, yeah.” Well geez, qi was blind, not deaf. “They got maced, I think. May have been pepper-sprayed? Not sure. I’m going to head back out,” The first voice said. 

“Thank you for bringing them. Good luck, comrade.” Qi heard the flap of the tent rustle as the first person left, and there was a few moments of silence before the second person spoke again. 

“Can you open your eyes for me?” The voice was low and quiet, and it seemed almost familiar in a way qi hadn’t noticed before. Ancom shook qir head, qir tongue felt like stone in qir mouth. “That’s okay. Can I take down your bandana?” Ancom nodded, and a hand brushed against qir cheek, pulling the bandana down to hang around qir neck. Qi thought qi heard what sounded like a soft gasp, but maybe that had just come from qim… 

* * *

Commie could appreciate the cause behind the protests, and even some of the violence, but this was quite frankly ridiculous. People were actively attacking police officers. Were they _asking_ to get shot? Sure, it was somewhat satisfying to see the united proletariat rising against these class traitors, but more people being killed wasn’t worth that. He was working as a street medic, trying to do what he could for those hurt in the protests. 

He was startled from his thoughts by two people, one guiding the other, into his tent. He immediately recognized the girl as his sister, MarxFem, her dark brown curls reaching just past her chin as she guided the other. They were a bit smaller than her, light brown skin, a dark green cat-eared hoodie with a few pins, and a black and red bandana covering the lower half of their face. They were gripping a baseball bat desperately and had their eyes squeezed shut. “Attacked a cop,” MarxFem told him in a hushed voice. “Looked like the bastard was going to shoot a child with a rubber bullet, and this one freaked.” 

“Damn. Can’t blame them, but that’s…” Commie shook his head. The brashness was somewhere between incredibly stupid and admirable. He was leaning towards incredibly stupid. Yet… It seemed familiar. He was reminded of a small anarchist that he knew back in Ukraine, someone brave and kind, but impulsive and foolish at times. Ancom. He hadn’t seen qim in so long, didn’t even know if qi was still around. He hoped qi was, something like this would really excite qim. He suppressed a smile; thinking of qim always seemed to make him happy. 

“A dumb move, yeah,” MarxFem shrugged. “They got maced, I think. May have been pepper-sprayed? Not sure. I’m going to head back out.” 

“Thank you for bringing them. Good luck, comrade,” Commie told her, nodding as she left to rejoin the crowd. The person sitting before him now was small, and he noticed several pins adorning the dark green hoodie. One an antifascist symbol, two small metal pins, a hammer and sickle and an anarchy sign, and one with what he knew were pronouns: qi/qim/qir. Huh. Maybe those pronouns were more common now? “Can you open your eyes for me?” Commie asked qim gently. Qi shook qir head, keeping them squeezed shut. “That’s okay. Can I take down your bandana?” Qi nodded, and Commie carefully pulled it down. _Fuck._ Ancom. That was Ancom. Ancom was here, Ancom was _alive_ , and Ancom had somehow found qir way back to him in the most Ancom way possible: attacking a police officer. Would qi recognise him? Would qi even want to see him? They hadn’t left things off on the best note back in 1921… Commie shook his head, it wasn’t the time to dwell on that. “Can you take off your hoodie, or would you like help? You need to take off all contaminated clothing.” Qi didn’t respond, taking it off and setting it beside qimself. “Thank you.” Commie quickly wiped down a bowl with an alcohol wipe, then poured a bit of water and a quarter teaspoon of baking soda into it. He unwrapped a syringe, filling it with the mixture. “Can you lay back for me?” He asked. 

“Why?” Qi asked, voice slightly creaky. 

“I need to wash the mace out from your eyes.” He was honestly surprised qi hadn’t started arguing before this. 

“Oh. Uh. Yeah. That would make sense,” Qi mumbled, laying back and awkwardly shoving qir hands in the pockets of qir jeans. Commie leaned over qim, carefully opening one of qir eyes. 

“Shit,” he breathed.

“What?” Ancom said quickly, sounding half panicked.   
  


“No, no, it’s fine. Your eyes are just really red.” 

“Oh…” Qi mumbled, relaxing again. Commie pressed down on the plunger gently, squeezing a little bit of the mixture into Ancom’s bright green eyes.   
  


“Does that feel any better?” Commie asked as he did the other eye. Ancom nodded, swallowing slightly.

“Uhm, yeah, thank you,” Qi said softly. “For uhm, patching me up. And stuff.”

“Just doing my job, Ancom,” Commie said lightly, before the realisation of what he’d just said sunk in. Well. Shit. 

* * *

He knew qir name. How did he know qir name?! Qi had no idea who that even _was,_ much less how he knew qir name! Or… how he knew what qi was. 

“How do you know what I am?” Ancom said softly. 

“I…” The voice didn’t answer. 

“How do you know?” Qi repeated. “What are you?” 

“Marxism-Leninism,” He answered quietly. _Commie._

“You… You almost killed me! You and your damn party!” Ancom burst out. 

“Ancom, wait—”

“No, let me go right now. I don’t trust you,” Ancom said sharply, crossing qir arms. 

“Please, let me give you a bandage at least. I’m sorry,” Commie’s voice was shaky, and Ancom almost regretted the harsh words. Almost. 

“...Fine. But I still don’t trust you,” Qi grumbled. 

“Thank you, Anarkiddie,” Commie said softly, a small amount of affection creeping into his voice. Ancom bit the inside of qir mouth. Maybe he had changed. It _had_ been almost a hundred years… Maybe he was different now. Less dependent on his party. It wasn’t like there were many active communist parties anymore. Maybe he finally learned to rely on his people as opposed to bureaucracy. Ancom sat quietly as qi felt Commie wrap a soft gauze bandage around qir head, tying it securely at the back. “Let me take you home, Ancom. You’ll need someone to guide you,” Commie told qim gently. 

“Why do you want to help me all of a sudden?” Ancom demanded. “Did you forget Makhnovia?” Qi certainly hadn’t. The memory still shined brightly in qir mind, every emotion qi’d felt still strong and pronounced. 

“Let me make it up to you, please,” Commie said. “Let me help you now. You’ll need someone to take care of you.” 

“I do _not_!” Ancom growled. “I don’t need help from a damn statist! I can take care of myself!” 

“Ancom, you can’t see anything. How do you expect to get home?” Commie sounded frustrated, and Ancom could feel his rough hands on qirs. “Please. Let me help you.”

“No.”

“Come on… mutual aid,” Commie said softly. “Let me help you,” he repeated. 

“I don’t need or want your help,” Qi insisted, crossing qir arms and glaring. Admittedly qi was glaring at the bandage, but qi hoped the point got through. 

“And who else can help you home? You’ll get hurt, or worse. There’s fascists out tonight, what if you get killed?”

“You would have let me get killed in 1921. Why is it any different now?” Ancom growled. 

“That’s not true! I warned you—”

“And you did _jackshit_ about it!” Ancom shouted. “You came and told _me and no one else_ , and then made excuses, and let my people be murdered! You think a ‘get out of here’ is enough?!”

“Aren’t you the one who says people can change?” Commie’s voice was so soft and gentle Ancom hardly recognised it.

“Not us. We don’t change,” Qi said softly. 

“I’ve seen you go from an innocent child to a battle hardened warrior, comrade. Please, Anarkiddie.” 

“F… fine. You get _one_ chance. And only because I don’t have any other choices,” Qi added, scowling in what qi assumed was Commie’s general direction. 

“Thank you, kiska,” Commie told qim softly. “Here, put your feet on the ground and stand up. You need to come home.” 

“Okay,” Ancom whispered. “Thank you,” Qi added hesitantly.

“No problem, kiska,” Commie said, voice a little shaky. Qi just wished qi could have seen his face as he said it. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goddamn im actually writing  
> wack amiright  
> HOPE THIS CHAPTER DOESNT DISSAPOINT  
> ALSO I APOLOGISE FOR THE ANGST  
> I STILL LOVE YALL

**_August, 1921_ **

Ancom absently thumbed through qir old and battered copy of the Conquest of Bread, hardly paying attention to the words beneath qir fingers. The copy was practically torn apart, covered in notes in different colours of ink that qi could hardly even read. Strips of paper stuck out occasionally too, all covered in qir notes and elaborations. Qi sighed as qi closed the book, leaning back in qir chair. Pyotr Kropotkin had died earlier that year in February, and Ancom just wished qi’d been able to see him off. Ancom’d been feeling so much weaker since he’d died, and though qi was far from fading, the blow still affected qim greatly. Qi was in Makhnovia, or what was currently Makhnovia. As far as Ancom could tell, it wasn’t going to last. 

Ancom had done qir best fighting alongside the other anarchists there, freeing Russia and Ukraine, but it didn’t seem like the Russians would let them keep the Free Territory free. Qi’d begged Marxism-Leninism— Commie— to let them keep the territory, but he’d refused. He’d chosen his damned party over Ancom. The two of them had fought together for so long, worked together on different projects, and now… He was tossing qim away. Maybe qi should have predicted it, but qi just couldn’t help but trust him. He… he did care. At some point. Qi knew that. Qi wanted to know that, at least. There was something there that qi felt for him, even though qi couldn’t put a name to it. Something more than friendship, than camaraderie. 

Ancom sighed, standing up and beginning to pace around qir rooms. It wasn’t worth dwelling on right now. Whatever Ancom felt for him, it clearly wasn’t mutual. Whatever relationship had been there, it wasn’t there anymore. No matter how much qi wished it was…

“Ancom! Are you home?” Commie’s voice tore through qir thoughts, distracting qim easily. What did he want at this hour? Qi tentatively walked over to the door, opening it slowly. Commie was standing there, eyes wide. “Ancom, you need to get out of here. Anarchists are going to be purged, and you need to run—” Ancom was hardly paying attention, white hot rage flashing through them.

“ _ Fuck you _ ,” Qi growled. 

“I… What?” 

“You heard me. Fuck. You. Or did your fucking party melt what’s left of your brain?” Ancom snarled, taking some level of satisfaction in the way Commie shrunk back. 

“Kiska, please, I don’t know what I did, but you need to—”

“ _ Don’t fucking call me that! _ ” Qi shouted, taking a step forward and shoving a finger at his chest. “You have no fucking right to call me that! I’m not your fucking kitten! How dare you? After everything we fought for,  _ together _ ? You’re giving up your morals, your convictions, you’re giving up  _ me _ , all because you think your damned state can solve everything. News fucking flash, a state can’t solve capitalism! The oppression is still inherent!” Commie looked stricken, opening his mouth and closing it again like he couldn’t find the words. 

“A… Ancom…” He whispered. “I’m so sorry. I just… There’s nothing I can do. You have to get out of here.” 

“Yes, you fucking can! God fucking damnit, Commie, you have so much fucking influence in that party! You’re their ideology! You could! You  _ can _ do something, you just don’t want to, because your stupid party is worth more to you than me! Than us!” Ancom spat, tears welling up in qir eyes and stinging harshly as they ran down qir face.

“Ancom… There can’t be an us. Not anymore. I’m sorry, kiska. I have to focus on this, I have to lead this. This country has to do well so we can win! So our revolution can spread across the world!” Commie told qim softly, reaching out to brush a curl behind Ancom’s ear, but qi slapped his hand away. 

“Don’t you fucking dare touch me!  _ And don’t call me that! _ ” Qi shouted. “Fuck off! You… Just  _ fuck off! _ ” Ancom pushed past him, breaking into a desperate run. Qi had no clue where qi was going, just away. Anywhere but there. 

  
  


**_June, 2020_ **

Ancom could feel tears welling up in qir eyes again as the scene played out in qir head, the intense emotions rushing through qim as though it was all happening again. Qi still felt nauseous thinking about it, thinking about the way he’d acted like it was nothing, like he had no idea what he’d done wrong. “Erm, Ancom, we’re coming up on the steps.” Commie’s voice was gentle, his arm still around qir waist. Qi was tense the entire time, part of qim was half convinced he would kill qim. It was ridiculous, but… Qi let him guide qim up the steps, down a hall, and into an elevator. Normally, qi took the stairs, but qi supposed avoiding stairs was probably for the best. 

Qi heard Commie knock on the door, but qi shook qir head. “Ansyn’s not here. She’s at a protest on the other side of the country right now.”

“Oh…” 

“Here.” Ancom pressed qir key into his hand, and heard the door unlock and squeak open. Qi couldn’t remember what state qi’d left the apartment in, but it likely wasn’t pretty. 

“Where’s your room?” 

“First on the left. There’s two rooms, one’s mine and one’s Ansyn’s. I mean, there’s a bathroom too…” Qi mumbled. Commie guided qim easily across the apartment, and somehow qi managed to only almost trip over two things. Qi flopped on qir bed as soon as qi got into the room, sighing and rubbing at the bandage covering qir eyes. 

“Would you like me to stay?” Commie asked softly. Qi felt the bed shift under qim as he sat down next to qim. Qi hesitated, not sure what to say. “You don’t have to say yes, kiska.” 

“Why do you still call me that?” Ancom said instead. 

“I… Uhm… I don’t know. I guess I just… never dropped the habit. Does it bug you?” Commie said gently, putting a hand on the small of qir back. Ancom tensed up under his touch at first, but relaxed after a moment.

“N-no. It’s okay,” qi mumbled. “And… yeah. You can stay. I’ll probably need your help…” Qi admitted.    
  


“Thank you, Anarkiddie. Thank you for letting me help you. Thank you for trusting me.”

  
“I don’t,” Ancom muttered. 

“Well… thank you for trusting me enough to let me take care of you.” 

“You don’t have to thank me, Commie,” Qi mumbled. “Just… I’m gonna change. Can you step out for a minute?”

“Y-yeah of course.” Qi felt Commie stand up off the bed, then heard the door creak. Qi stood up awkwardly, shakily walking across the room to where qi knew the dresser was. It wasn't until that moment that qi truly appreciated how difficult this was gonna be. Qi pulled a drawer open, trying to find a pair of pyjamas. Qi had no idea what qi was touching, what qi was holding, anything. Ancom felt qir hands and knees shake violently, as qi started to cry. 

“Fuck,” Qi whimpered. “ _ Fuck.  _ God, fuck, fuck, I have no idea what I’m doing, god, fuck. I hate this. I’m such an idiot, oh my god,” Ancom sobbed weakly, collapsing back against the bed. What was qi supposed to do? Qir eyes stung and burned as tears leaked out, soaking the bandage. Qi was helpless.  _ Helpless. _ Qi couldn’t see, couldn’t do anything. How the hell was qi ever supposed to cope with this? 

“Ancom! Ancom, are you okay? Can I come in?” Commie asked from outside, knocking at the door. 

“Y… yeah,” Qi whimpered. The door creaked open and qi felt a pair of strong arms scoop qim up, holding qim close. 

“Are you okay? Did you get hurt?” Commie asked qim, and qi felt his hand on qir cheek. “God, your bandage is soaked, let me take it off for you.” Commie pulled at the knot at the back of qir head, pulling the gauze from qir eyes. 

“I’m okay, I just…” Ancom managed. “Scared. Commie, I’m scared. How am I supposed to help anyone when I can’t even help myself?” 

“You’re going to get better, Ancom. I promise.”

“But things are happening  _ now _ ! I need to help!” Ancom insisted. 

“You can’t help if you’re getting hurt,” Commie told qim gently. “It’s okay to need help. Let me help you get pyjamas. Then you can lay down.”

“W... will you stay with me?” Ancom whispered. “I don’t want to be alone.” It felt strange asking Commie for comfort again, qi hadn’t asked him for that since Makhnovia, but… Qi liked this. It was wrong, it was foolish, but the way he held qim, so gentle and strong… Ancom couldn’t help but sink into his arms and press qir face against his chest. Maybe for a while qi could pretend he was the person who qi thought he was a hundred years ago. Who a younger, more naïve Ancom had trusted with qir whole soul. Qi needed that comfort, needed to just believe everything would be okay. That their time would come. And the Commie qi thought qi’d known… He was everything to that Ancom. The Ancom who believed with qir whole heart that they’d win. Qi just needed that strength, that steadiness. It was wrong, it was foolish, and it would come back to bite qim, but for now… 

For now qi could pretend. 

“Of course, kiska. Anything.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it <3<3<3  
> pls do leave me a comment if you can and kudos! they seriously fuel me ;w;  
> (wow i sound like a youtuber DROP A COMMENT BELOW AND HIT THAT LIKE BUTTON)  
> seriously tho please do leave a comment i live for them  
> (u can comment w/o an account btw)  
> ALSO IF YOU CAME FROM JRITTER HIIIIIIIIIIIIII


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a bit of a short one im sorry :< but i actually have some inspiration so wooh i might have another one out tomorrow! dont quote me on that...

When Ancom woke up, qi was pressed against someone’s side, their arms wrapped around qim and their legs tangled together. Qi startled, pulling away quickly as though qi’d been burned. “You’re awake!” Commie’s voice was low, a little rough from sleep. “I’m sorry, kiska, did I scare you? You just… you fell asleep in my arms last night. I didn’t move away, you just looked so content like that. You… you looked sweet.” Ancom felt qir face burn. He thought qi was sweet. Why did that make qir stomach flip over? 

“No, don’t… don’t apologise. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry, I… erm…” Qi trailed off, unsure of what to say. They sat in awkward silence before Commie spoke again.

“Do you want me to make some breakfast? It’s about 8. If you’re hungry.” 

“Are you sure? It’s not too much trouble?” 

“Of course not! Unless something changed since 1921, you’re still a horrible cook. I’m happy to help, Anarkiddie,” He told qim. Qi couldn’t help but smile slightly at the fact that he remembered that. Qi’d probably set more than qir fair share of stoves and food in general on fire… “You’re still not using any animal products, right?” 

“Oh, yeah. I’m surprised you remember.” 

“You always made me make an extra small recipe with no animal products for you.” Commie sounded almost like he wanted to say something else, but qi wasn’t sure. “I’m taking you to the eye doctor today as well. I called last night and set up an appointment. I know the basics of taking care of this sort of thing, but I still want to get a professional’s opinion.” 

“Oh, okay,” Ancom said. Qi felt Commie wrap a bit of gauze around qir head again, tying it off at the back. The bed shifted under qim as Commie stood up, and qi swung qir legs over the side to follow him. If nothing else, moving through qir apartment was fairly similar to before. 

Qi pulled qimself up on to the counter, sitting next to the stove while Commie began to cook. Qi could hear him bustling around the kitchen, the sound of bowls clacking against each other, Commie dismaying over the lack of organisation, and him grumbling slightly over the fact that all Ansyn and Ancom had were vegan substitutes. “How do you survive without  _ any  _ animal products?” He muttered. 

“It’s not that hard. You just have to make the decision,” qi said, shrugging. “A lot of the substitutes genuinely aren’t bad. You’ll see.” 

“Hmph, maybe. Seems like a waste of money to me. Workers are still being exploited.”

“Well, sure, but workers will be exploited either way. At least this way the animals aren’t exploited too, right? It’s an unjust power structure. It’s like, sure, Anarkitty lives with us, but she’s just another member of the household, you know? She’s not below us. She’s just a cat. Animals are subject to unjust hierarchy too, and we should do what we can to limit that exploitation.” Anarkitty was the black and white tuxedo cat that Ancom had had for the past century. Qi had no idea how the hell she was still alive, but qi wasn’t complaining. Anarkitty was just a genuinely sweet kitty, and Ancom never wanted to lose her. 

“Wait, you still have that cat?!” Commie sounded shocked. “How is she still alive?”

“Dude, I have  _ no  _ idea. I’m not a hundred percent sure she’s a cat, to be honest,” Ancom said, crossing qir legs. 

“Well, that’s… impressive.” Ancom wasn’t sure what to say, so qi just kept quiet. Commie seemed so…

Similar. He was still Commie. After the fight, qi threw away everything qi thought qi knew about him, but it seemed like he truly wasn’t that different. Was it all a trick? Was it all just to lull qim into a false sense of security? Would he betray qim again if given the chance, putting his party over what the two of them had built yet again? 

“Breakfast is ready,” Commie said. 

“Huh? Oh, okay.” Qi slid down from the counter, taking qir seat at the table. “Can you make my coffee? A few tablespoons of creamer and a tablespoon of sugar, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“Already done,” Commie told qim, slipping a mug into qir hand. “Careful, it’s hot. I still can’t believe you’re able to drink it like that, it’s way too sweet…”    
  


“You remembered?” Qi asked softly. “I can’t believe how much you remember about me.” 

“I… I have a good memory when it comes to you.” 

“What do you mean?” Ancom cocked qir head to the side. 

“Oh, uh, nothing. It’s not a big deal.” Qi doubted that was true, but qi wasn’t really in the mood for a real argument. Qi sipped at the coffee, feeling a slight pang in qir heart. It was perfect. Was qi being too rough on him? Maybe he had changed. Just made a mistake. But could qi really forgive him? 

“Is it okay?” He asked. 

“It’s perfect,” Ancom said softly. 

“I made pancakes, and I cooked some of the replacement bacon you have. I would have made eggs too, but you didn’t have any…” 

  
“Thank you, really. You did more than enough.” Qi took the fork and knife in qir hand before stopping, biting qir lip. Qi couldn’t eat like this. Ancom couldn’t even see the food qi was cutting, much less see it to pick it up on the fork! Qi took one of the pancakes, tearing it up into pieces and eating it like that. 

“Oh, no, I’m sorry, I should have realised…” 

“No, it’s fine! See, I can still eat. It’s a little strange, but it’s fine.”

“I’ll make sure to make foods you can eat with your hands from now on.” 

“Aw, I love your soups though,” Qi grumbled. 

  
“Well, I’ll figure something out,” he told qim, and qi swore there was a hint of affection in his voice.

After a few minutes of eating in silence, Commie spoke up. “Kiska, your appointment is in half an hour. Do you, erm, want my help getting dressed?”

“Uh, if you can grab some clothes for me, that would be nice.”

“Of course.” Qi heard a chair scrape against the floor and him walk down the hall to what qi presumed was qir room. He was being so kind, it hardly made sense to qim. He was acting as if what happened in 1921 never happened. Sure, if qi was honest, qi would rather 1921 never happened too, but… It felt like a lie. Like something trying to mislead qim, something that was going to end up with qim getting hurt again. He seemed so sincere, but Ancom just… Qi couldn’t trust him. Not fully. Not yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!!!!!
> 
> ~follow me on twitter if u want @enjhyperfixatin~


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe how quickly I got this out holy shit  
> I actually finished this yesterday but I’m not spoiling yall <3

Even though qi’d never admit it to anyone else, Ancom had held Commie’s hand throughout the entire appointment. Qi held it as qi miserably failed every single exam, held it as the doctor explained the long term effects of mace on eyes, held it as she explained that Ancom might never be able to see again. 

“You should come back in a week, alright? If anything changes, for better or for worse, I want you to make an appointment right away,” she told qim. “Wear that bandage at all times, except for showering and sleeping.”

“Okay,” Qi said quietly. 

“I’ll see you in a week.” 

The two left the office in silence, Ancom’s mind running wild. Never being able to see again. How could that happen? How could qi ever recover from that? Things were happening, and they were happening _now_! The entire country was in an uprising, and this opportunity had to be seized! What would qi do? Qi could hardly take care of qimself, had to be guided by Commie. Qi shouldn’t need that. Qi shouldn’t need the state to help qim. 

“Ancom? Are you okay?” Commie asked suddenly. “I know it’s scary, but you’re going to be okay. I promise. You’re going to be able to see again.” 

“How do you know?” Qi said. 

“Because I know you. You’re the most resilient person I’ve ever known. No matter how many times you get knocked down, you somehow get up and keep fighting. You’re going to get through this.” Commie’s voice was intense, and qi felt him squeeze qir hand gently. 

“But Commie, I can hardly take care of myself! How can I help anyone else?” 

“Right now, you need to heal.” 

“I don’t have time for that!” Ancom huffed. 

“You won’t be able to help anyone if you don’t. You need to take a moment and heal.”

“Don’t want to.”

“You have to. At least take a week. Please. For me? Let me take care of you.” The gentleness and care in his voice seemed to wrap a hand around qir heart and squeeze, and Ancom bit qir lip. 

“A… alright. One week. Can we walk through the park on our way home?” 

“Of course.” 

Ancom hummed with no particular tune as Commie led qim through the streets, exhaling softly as the ground turned soft under qir feet. “We’re here, right?” 

“Da,” Commie said. “Do you just want to walk?”

“Can we sit?” He started to lead qim again, eventually sitting somewhere where the ground was soft. Ancom ran a hand over it, finding mulch. Qi reached for him, but he wasn’t there. “Commie? Where are you?!” Qi squeaked slightly, half afraid that he’d just left qim there. 

“Right here!” He said hurriedly, sitting down next to qim. “Sorry, I saw this and I wanted to get it for you.” He pressed something into qir hand, and qi ran a finger along it, finding a stem and petals. “I wanted to get you something you could enjoy without your sight.”

“T… thanks, Commie,” Qi smiled in what qi thought was his direction based on his voice. “What type of flower is it?”

“A rose. A red one.” 

“I love roses…” 

“I know. You had that beautiful window box with the red and black ones.” 

“I can’t believe you remember that.” 

“I remember more than I should about you,” Commie said, laughing slightly. 

“I feel like I don’t remember you enough. I remember so much about you, how you would speak, how you carried that old copy of Das Kapital in your jacket all the time, how you refused to ever comb your hair and just shoved your ushanka on top… But I hardly remember what you look like.” 

“You’re not missing much.” 

“That’s not true! I may not remember the details, but I do remember you’re very handsome.”

“I don’t remember you to be a flatterer,” he teased. 

“Not flattering! Just telling the truth!” Qi said importantly. “C’mon, let’s keep walking.” Ancom joined their hands again as they kept going through the park. 

“Huh, looks like a protest across the way. Do you want to check it out?” Commie asked after a few minutes. 

“No… Not really. It’s just too much for me right now. I feel bad, but…” Qi trailed off. 

“It’s okay, kiska. You don’t have to explain yourself,” he told qim gently. “If nothing else, it’s a beautiful day.”

“Describe it to me?”

“Erm… I‘ll try? Uh, the sky is blue, a little cloudy, the grass is green—“

“Oh my god stop,” Qi laughed. “You’re actually horrible at this.” Qi elbowed him in the side, a grin spreading across qir face. 

“I’m good at writing theory, not stories and poetry!”

“I can tell! You should never write poetry,” Ancom teased, unable to help smiling at the ease of the conversation. Things weren’t so different. 

“Oh, shush,” He grumbled. 

“I’m teasing. You’re a lovely writer when you write theory.” 

“Thank you, kiska.” They fell into an easy silence again, eventually leaving the park and getting back into the main part of the city. Qi kept the rose clutched in qir hand the entire time, running qir thumb over the stem. Something qi could enjoy without qir sight, Commie had said. He was still so thoughtful, wasn’t he? 

  
  


* * *

  
  


When the two got back to the apartment, Commie took the rose from qim, filling up a glass with water and putting it in. “Kiska, I’m almost out of gauze, and I need some fresh clothes. Can I leave you alone?” 

“Y-yeah,” Ancom stammered slightly. 

“If you need me, just call me. Here, I’ll put my number in your phone. I’ll come as soon as I can,” He told qim. “I’ll see you in an hour or so. Stay safe.” 

“Hug before you leave?” Qi asked shyly. Commie couldn’t help but smile, hugging qim tightly. Qi shifted to lean on qir side, putting qir legs up on the couch. “See you soon. Erm, figuratively.” He laughed at that, smiling softly as he left the apartment and began to head for his and his sister’s shared apartment. He couldn’t believe that Ancom had been in the city with him all this time and he’d never seen qim… 

He reached the apartment after around fifteen minutes, unlocking the door and walking in. MarxFem was sitting on the couch, absorbed in a book. “Oh, hey, Commie,” she said, looking up from the book. “Where were you? Posadist is here too, by the way.” Commie glanced around, eyes landing on Posadist who was sitting on the ceiling for no apparent reason. 

“I was with Ancom,” Commie said. “Qi let me stay with qim. I need to go back soon.” 

“Hey, Commie!” Xe buzzed. 

“Hello, Posadist,” he said. “You look well.”

“I am!!! I found a rock filled with uranium a few weeks ago! I’m going to build a nuke!!”

“That’s a horrible idea.”

“Can you stop me??” Xe asked. 

“No, and that’s what scares me.” 

“Hehehe… You should be.” Commie swore he could hear sirens in the background. 

“How are you going to even build a bomb?” Commie asked skeptically. 

“I don’t think you want the answer to that.” 

“Actually, you know what, you’re right. I don’t want the answer to that.”

“So what are you here for, Commie?” MarxFem asked. 

“I thought I’d pick myself up some clothes and toiletries. I’m staying with Ancom for a bit.”

“So you guys are… friends again?” She asked curiously. 

“I hope so. It’s the least I can do for qim after 1921. I really fucked up there,” he sighed. “I really fucked up. I doubt qi’ll ever forgive me…” 

“I don’t think that’s true,” She said. “You just need to show you’re still the person qi knew then. That you know what you did was wrong.” 

“I hope I can. I really do.”

“Yeah, cause you seriously need to either just date qim or get over your crush,” Posadist said casually, dropping down from the ceiling and stealing his ushanka before ruffling his hair. 

“Okay, first of all, give me that back, and second of all I do _not_ have a crush on qim!”

“You don’t?” MarxFem asked. 

“No! I don’t! That’s ridiculous! I’m getting my clothes and leaving.”

“So you can get back to pining?”

“I hate you.”

“Aw, I hate you too, bro!!” Posadist threw his ushanka back at him. Commie rolled his eyes, walking into his room, grabbing a few plain button up shirts, a spare dark red blazer, a few pairs of trousers, and some socks. He tossed everything into a backpack, grabbing a few books. 

“Do we have any gauze?” Commie asked, stepping back out into the main room. 

“No, I don’t think so,” MarxFem shrugged. “Try CVS or Walgreens or something like that.”

“Hm, that should work. I’ll see you later, MarxFem, Posadist.”

“See you!!” Posadist buzzed happily, waving with all four arms from where xe had perched on top of a bookcase. 

Commie shook his head, smiling slightly as he set off for a drug store and then Ancom’s apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this background Posadist fluff to my dearest jrife, Margo  
> I hope she enjoyed seeing xem!
> 
> Hope yall enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO FINALLY FUCKING FINISHED CHAPTER FIVE, BABES?  
> IT WAS ME I DID I FINISHED CHAPTER FIVE  
> I actually have a decent plan for the next few chapters so they SHOULD come out a bit faster. I still owe you guys some winter fluff, and a Valentine's day special, so stay tuned for those fluff pieces :D  
> I hope you enjoy!!!

Ancom worried at qir lip as qi sat on the couch, waiting for Commie to come back. After all this time, qi never would have expected to find his presence so comforting, and to feel so exposed without him, and yet… There was something so secure about having their hands linked, about knowing he’d be there to guide qim, and, despite qimself, trusting in him to keep qim safe. Though that was never something qi was good at, was it? Commie was the scientific one, the one who insisted on dialectical materialism being a science. Ancom had never been quite as concerned about that whole side of things. It seemed a lot like useless posturing to qim, if qi was honest. It was important, sure, but there were always things that were more important. Direct action, putting theory into praxis, actually going out and changing things qimself. That was what was really important. 

Commie used to mostly agree. Qi hoped he still did. That was what the two of them did together, they went out, and they actually fucking did things. Sure, they had discussions about theory, Commie actually read and wrote things because he had the patience, Ancom scribbled down ideas in qir copies of books destroyed with dog eared pages and folded bindings, but in the end, they worked together. They had different strategies for reaching their goals, but in the end, they had the same goal. 

After he… After 1921, Ancom thought that that wasn’t true anymore. If he could give qim up for “the greater good” or some bullshit like that, how could he ever want the same things qi did? How could he put his stupid state before those he cared about? Did he even care about qim? Then qi wasn’t sure, but… if he could take care of qim like this… maybe he did. Maybe it was just a mistake. A really fucking huge mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. 

Maybe things could really go back to the way they used to be. Qi wanted to forgive him, qi really, really did. 

A knock on the door startled qim and qi jerked qir head around instinctually as though qi’d actually be able to see. The sharp movement jerked qir whole body, sending qim sprawling onto the floor with a “FUCK!” 

“Ancom, are you okay?!” Qi felt Commie help qim to qir feet, leaning against him slightly. 

“Sorry, you just scared me…” 

“Oh, no, I’m sorry, should I not knock or something like that?”

  
“No, no, that would be worse, I’ll be okay. You just… surprised me.” Qi settled back on the couch, not sure if Commie was still standing in front of qim.

“I’m going to put my clothes in your room, is that alright?” 

“Yeah, that’s cool. The drawer at the top right should be empty, so you can use that if you want.”

“Alright.” Qi tapped qir foot on the floor, shifting slightly anxiously. There was a weird paranoia that came along with being blind. Someone could grab you at any second and you could do nothing. Qi really hoped qir sight would improve at least a bit. Qi didn’t think qi could go on like this forever. 

The couch shifted next to qim as Commie sat down beside qim again. “I brought something for you too,” he said. 

“Oh?” Something cold pressed against qir cheek, and qi gasped lightly.

“Ice cream. I thought it might be a treat you could have without your eyes.”

“You don’t have to baby me, I can handle a spoon and a bowl…”

“If you don’t want your ice cream on a chocolate-dipped cone, that’s fine, but I will be having mine on one.”

“Wait, no, gimme a cone!” Commie laughed lightly, and Ancom felt qir heart flip a little at the sound. How could a laugh be that damn attractive? Was that even the right word? Could a laugh be attractive? It just sounded nice. Qi wanted to hear it a hundred more times, and yeah, that was dorky as hell, but his laugh was just so lovely. “What flavour did you get?” Qi asked. 

“Cookies and cream, for those not sure if they prefer chocolate or vanilla, or in my case, those not sure if Ancom prefers chocolate or vanilla.” 

“Between the two, chocolate, but in the second tier of flavours, cookie dough, but if I can do whatever, chocolate with cookie dough. What about you?”

“I’d have to go with vanilla, but if you want to bring in more interesting flavours, I quite like salted caramel.” 

“Of course _you_ would go with vanilla,” Qi grinned slightly as Commie sat back down next to qim, pressing a cone into qir hand. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He laughed.

“That you’re _basic_. The last time I saw you you were wearing a military uniform. Please get a better fashion sense.” 

“What exactly does fashion sense have to do with ice cream? And my fashion sense has changed a lot.” 

“It… it has?” Ancom frowned. “What do you wear now?”

“Sweaters, flannels, some t-shirts, a few button-ups—“

“Oh my god, you dress like a lesbian, don’t you?”

“Wha—?! No!” 

“You totally do! You absolutely dress like a lesbian. I bet you look so cute in your glasses and a turtleneck. You’d look _adorable_. I have to see this now. Commie in a turtleneck and glasses and reading Das Kapital. You’d look so cute!” Ancom couldn’t help but grin and laugh, trying to imagine how he’d look before stopping suddenly. 

“What’s wrong?” Commie asked softly. 

“I... I hardly have any idea what you look like. I hardly remember anything.”

“…Eat your ice cream and I’ll help you. Okay?” 

“Okay.” Qi licked at it, but felt something cold and wet at qir nose. 

“Careful, it’s a double scoop.” 

“Oh, that makes a lot more sense.” 

The two ate in silence for a few minutes, Ancom crunching lightly on the cone. At some point, Commie’s hand found its way onto qir knee, remaining an anchor between the two of them and reminding Ancom that qi was safe. Commie was here. There was nothing to worry about. Everything was good. 

When both of them finished, Ancom turned to Commie. “How exactly are you going to help me remember?” Qi asked. He took qir hand in his, making Ancom’s breathing hitch slightly, and guided it to his face. 

“Tell me what you remember.” Ancom closed qir eyes beneath the bandage, trying to bring back some older memories of the two of them together. 

“You… you have red eyes. They’re this deep, beautiful, almost ruby red. They scare some people, but I’ve always thought they were beautiful.” Qi trailed qir fingers along the side of his face, tracing around Commie’s brow bone. “Your skin is lighter than mine. Not quite white, but still not dark. Your hair…” Qi reached up, awkwardly knocking the ushanka off and running a hand through his soft waves. “Dark. Not as dark as mine still, but a dark brown. It’s shiny in the sun, though you always cover it with that ridiculous hat. And…” Qi trailed qir hand along his jawline. “It’s so hard to remember the details… Your jaw is sort of square-ish? I don’t know how to describe it. It’s handsome though.” Qi hadn’t even realized how close their faces were until Commie spoke again.

“I’m inclined to agree with you on that…” Qi laughed breathily, heart speeding up in qir chest. 

“I want to see you again.” 

“You will. I promise.” 

“How can you possibly know that?” 

“I know you. You’re not going to let this stop you. You never have. And if it comes down to something like surgery, I will personally steal the money from Ancap to make it happen,” Commie told qim, shifting the two of them so that he was practically holding qim in his lap. 

“Why are you helping me?” Qi asked softly. 

“I love you, Ancom. You’re one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met, and I just… I can’t lose you again.” 

“You let me go before,” qi said. “You let me go before. You sent me away. You lost me.” 

“And I’m never going to make that fucking mistake again. Ancom, that was the worst mistake of my entire life. Life without you in it… I hated that. I hated that in a way I never would have ever thought. You light up my life in a way no one else does. Maybe it’s wrong, but you’re just… my favourite person on earth. I never want to go back to life without you. If I ever fuck up that badly again, I don’t even know how it could possibly be worth than life without you in it. If I ever hurt you even half as bad as I was hurting, then god, just throw me out. I wouldn’t deserve you then.” 

“You promise you won’t leave me behind again? You won’t throw me away? You won’t put your state before me… before us?” 

“Never. Never, never, never. I will never do that again.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter!  
> Please do leave a comment!! I absolutely LIVE for comments, they fuel me, they inspire me, and they GIVE ME THE GODDAMN HAPPY JUICE THAT I REQUIRE TO STAY ALIVE  
> ilyyyy <3 <3 <3 <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> words go BRRRRRRRRRRR

Commie’s breath was slightly shallow as qi traced qir hand along his face, trailing qir fingers down his cheekbone. “Tell me what you remember,” he told qim softly. Ancom bit at qir lip, furrowing qir brow as qi brought qir hand up to trace his brow. “You… you have red eyes. They’re this deep, beautiful, almost ruby red. They scare some people, but I’ve always thought they were beautiful.” Ancom was all but on top of him as qi ran qir hand almost reverently over his face. Commie was pretty sure he had never been this nervous before in his life. They’d been close before, but never like this, never was it so… he wasn’t even sure how to describe it. Ancom’s lips were parted slightly, and their mouths were so close he could feel qir hot breath on his mouth. “Your skin is lighter than mine. Not quite white, but still not dark. Your hair…” Ancom reached up, knocking his ushanka off as qi dragged qir fingers through his hair. 

“Dark. Not as dark as mine still, but a dark brown. It’s shiny in the sun, though you always cover it with that ridiculous hat. And…” He would have protested, but he wasn’t even sure he could speak. Commie’s heart seemed to have jumped into his throat, hammering out a panicked pulse as qir hand trailed down to his jaw, tilting his face down towards qim ever so slightly. Qi was so damn beautiful. He felt an explicable urge to take Ancom into his arms and kiss qim fiercely, holding qim as close to his body as possible, tangling their legs together and just being close, breathing in each other’s scents and being together. The rational part of his mind wanted to recoil from the thought, but _damn,_ it was so nice.

“It’s so hard to remember the details… Your jaw is sort of square-ish? I don’t know how to describe it. It’s handsome though.” Handsome. Qi thought he was _handsome._ Why did that make him so happy?

“I’m inclined to agree with you on that…” He managed, voice a little hoarse. Qi giggled. May God damn him, qi actually _giggled._

“I want to see you again,” Qi told him. 

“You will. I promise.” 

“How can you possibly know that?” 

“I know you. You’re not going to let this stop you. You never have. And if it comes down to something like surgery, I will personally steal the money from Ancap to make it happen.” He moved qim so that qi was essentially sitting in his lap, face tilted up at him. Qi looked so uncertain, the crease of qir brows showing above the bandage. 

“Why are you helping me?” Qi asked, voice trembling ever so slightly. 

“I love you, Ancom. You’re one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met, and I just… I can’t lose you again.” He ran a hand gently through qir hair, looking down at qir small form. 

“You let me go before,” qi whispered. “You let me go before. You sent me away. You lost me.” 

“And I’m never going to make that fucking mistake again. Ancom, that was the worst mistake of my entire life. Life without you in it… I hated that. I hated that in a way I never would have ever thought. You light up my life in a way no one else does. Maybe it’s wrong, but you’re just… my favourite person on earth. I never want to go back to life without you. If I ever fuck up that badly again, I don’t even know how it could possibly be worth than life without you in it. If I ever hurt you even half as bad as I was hurting, then god, just throw me out. I wouldn’t deserve you then.” 

“You promise you won’t leave me behind again? You won’t throw me away? You won’t put your state before me… before us?” 

“Never. Never, never, never. I will never do that again.” Ancom seemed to relax against him, putting qir head on his shoulder. 

“I’m getting kinda sleepy. Can we go to bed?” Qi asked softly. 

“Of course, kiska. Do you want me to stay with you?” 

“Y… yes, please. I think Ansyn will be back tomorrow, so you don’t have to stay then, but…” 

“I’ll stay as long as you want me to. I want to be here with you, Ancom. You mean a lot to me.” 

“Thanks,” Qi whispered. 

“C’mon, let’s get you to bed.” He scooped qim up easily. Qi let out a slight squeak of protest at first, but relaxed against him a moment later. 

After they’d both changed, Commie carefully cut the bandage off qir eyes. “Can you see anything?” 

“Not much… But I think I can see you? Like, I can tell where you end and the rest of the room begins, which is a lot better than just a see of grey, which it was before.”

“That’s fantastic! You might actually be able to really see again.” He beamed at qim, cupping qir face in his hand. “And the redness has gone down. Your eyes are still so beautiful.” Qi blushed slightly, trying to suppress a smile. Qi rolled into qir bed, and Commie climbed in next to qim. Qi immediately moved to cuddle him, curling against him and pressing qir forehead to his chest. He stroked qir curls gently, smiling softly down at qim. This was perfect. This was all he ever needed. How could he have ever thrown everything away like that? This was everything he could ever want. 

Ancom fell asleep quickly, qir breathing evening out and becoming shallow. Commie tried to close his eyes, but he just wanted to look at Ancom. How could qi possibly be this damn beautiful? The slight curve of qir mouth, the way one of qir curls clung to qir lips, moving ever so slightly with qir breathing, qir hands clutching onto his shirt. Every little detail about qim made Commie’s heart seem to swell, it was an emotion that was foreign, yet familiar. No one else had ever made him feel this way, no one else had ever given him this urge to protect, to hold, to… love. That was the only word he could find, and he was nervous to apply a word that felt so strong, but... It was true. Looking down at qim, he could only describe the feeling as love. 

Posadist’s words floated back to him then as he looked down at qim. Xe’d told him so many times, but he’d always just… dismissed it out of hand. How could he love someone he hadn’t seen in so long? How could he have never noticed? And part of it just felt so wrong. Was it even… okay to be in love with someone he’d hurt? Was it okay to be in love with someone who didn’t fully trust you? And beyond that… Was he taking advantage of qim by being so close? Would qi be okay with this if qi knew how he felt? Could he even be sure? Okay, maybe that was a stupid question, there was absolutely no other logical explanation, but… Part of him didn’t want it to be true. He’d had so long, and he never noticed. God, _how could he have never noticed?_ How did he mess it up like this? 

Maybe they could have been together. But now… how could Ancom ever love him? One hundred and fifty goddamned years. He could have said something at _any time._ Fifty years where they were close friends, and he could have realised and said something, and then they could have _been together_ , and maybe he wouldn’t have made that stupid fucking mistake, and they could have had everything. 

It was too late now though, wasn’t it? He doubted qi fully trusted him. He doubted qi ever _could_ , not anymore. How did he fuck it up this badly? What could he ever do now? Would he be left stew in his feelings forever, longing for them to simply disappear? He didn’t think he could ever bare that. 

Ancom… Qi deserved so much better than him anyway. Qi deserved someone who qi could trust. And that wasn’t him. That wasn’t Commie. He’d changed, he was doing better, but how could Ancom know that? How could Ancom ever believe that? 

People speak too fondly of love. They speak of fireworks and joy, of emotions that can’t be matched by anything else. But for Commie? It was anything but that. There was joy, sure, but there was so much fear and regret. And he knew it was his fault, of course he did, but that didn’t make the ache any less painful. If anything, it made it worse. He could have done something sooner, he could have done something, anything, or even just simply not thrown qim away in favour of a state that failed, but he _didn’t._ He didn’t and now it was something he would have to deal with. 

What he wouldn’t do to have just gone back and undone that day. 

And yet… He was convinced qi didn’t trust him, but here qi was. Curled up in his arms, sleeping peacefully against him. Could there be any hope for the two of them? He wanted to believe there was. Could things work out, the way they were supposed to for stories like theirs? It felt unlikely, but there was a tiny, glimmering shard of hope in Commie’s heart. If Ancom could want to be like this, if Ancom trusted him enough to sleep in his arms, maybe things could work out. 

He sighed slightly, smiling at qim as he ran a hand through qir curls. He fell asleep not too long after that, wondering how things would have been. 

* * *

  
  
  


The next morning, Commie pulled away from Ancom gently, leaning down to press an impulsive kiss to qir forehead before going into the kitchen to make some breakfast. Ansyn was supposed to be back today, hopefully, she wouldn’t have _too_ bad a reaction to him… They hadn’t exactly spoken in a long while, and he doubted Ancom would have glossed over the details to qir twin sister. 

He figured that pancakes would do again, Ancom and Ansyn didn’t exactly keep their pantry well-stocked, and they were easy. He hummed softly as he mixed the batter and started brewing a new pot of coffee, when the door suddenly opened and a woman with short dark curls and striking pale green eyes stepped through. Her eyebrows shot up her face when she saw Commie, before immediately turning to anger. 

“What the fuck are you doing in my apartment?!”

“I—”

“Actually, you know what, I don’t care. Get out. Where’s Ancom? I swear to god, if you hurt qim, you will never see the light of day again.” 

“Ow, FUCK!” Ancom’s voice was accompanied by a loud thud on qir door, then by about forty-five seconds of rustling while qi presumably tried to find the doorknob. “Is everything okay? I heard yelling. Is Ansyn back?” 

“I—I’m right here, Ancom. Are you alright?” 

“Oh, I’m pretty good. I got maced at a protest and Commie’s been taking care of me. I’m very blind right now. How did your protests go?”

“Wait, you’re what?! You got maced? Are you okay?! Wait, Commie’s been taking _care_ of you? Oh.” She turned to him. “I’m sorry for yelling. I didn’t realise. You brought qim to a doctor, right?”

“Of course. Right away. Qi needs to have a bandage on, and I imagine they’ll prescribe qim something at the next appointment. I texted qir phone the information.” 

“Oh. Well, erm, thank you. For taking care of qim. That… means a lot to me.” 

“It’s not an issue. There’s some gauze on the counter, qi needs a new bandage.” Ansyn nodded, cutting some off and tying it around qir head. 

“Thanks, Commie.” 

“That… was me.” 

“Oh! Sorry, I just assumed. It’s weird now that there’s two of you, I can’t tell who’s doing what…” 

“That would make sense, considering the… blindness.” Her voice was slightly strangled, and she looked somewhere between angry and relieved. 

“I’m making breakfast, Ancom. Just so you know.” 

“Oh, thanks!” Qi said cheerfully, making qir way into the kitchen, a hand outstretched beside qim to keep qir position in the apartment clear. Commie added a little bit more to the mixing bowl to ensure there’d be enough for Ansyn, and worked quietly as Ancom and Ansyn discussed the uprisings across the country, voices tinged with identical excitement and hope for the future. 

‘This could actually change things!” Ancom was saying. ‘Things could really be different1 maybe the police as an institution could even be abolished! I mean, it might be crazy talk, but it’s possible! It’s so horrible that so many have had to die, it makes my heart ache, but maybe something good can come out of all of this.” 

“I really hope so. Perhaps this could inspire people across the country, maybe even the world, to stand up and fight back. I have some work to do in India, some people are planning to organise a general strike.” 

“That’s brilliant! 2020 has been horrible, but I have so much hope. I can feel leftism, especially anarchism growing stronger. Tragedy has always had a way of pushing people towards us. It’s horrible, but even in these dark times, we can find so much light.”

“When we all work together, humanity can truly accomplish anything.” 

“That’s right. Mutual aid.” 

Commie listened, smiling slightly as he heard the two of them speaking. They really hadn’t changed much. The conversation continued between Ansyn and ancom as he finished breakfast, and he stayed quiet throughout most of their discussion of world events and, eventually, Ancom’s sight. 

Eventually, when he needed to leave, Ancom came up to the door to say goodbye to him. “You’ll come back tomorrow, right?” qi asked softly. “Ansyn has more work to do in the city and I don’t wanna be alone. You’ll come back and stay with me, right?” 

“Of course, Ancom. Anything you need from me.” 

“Thank you.” Qi smiled up at him, before throwing qimself at him in a hug. “I… Uhm, I love you.” Commie’s heart skipped a beat at that. 

“I love you too.” He kissed qir cheek softly. Qi beamed at that, touching qir cheek. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Well, uhm, not really, but…” Commie laughed at that, smiling at qim. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, kiska.” _I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed ^w^  
> pls do leave a comment, i got so many on the last chapter and it made me so happy :D  
> i love you all!!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyy <3 <3 <3  
> so i know how long this fic is gonna be! if all goes well, I'll have one chapter up each day! (possibly two days for a chapter, it depends on how it goes, but i should be updating very regularly!!!)   
> i hope you guys like this one!!!

Ancom smiled vaguely as qi made qir way back to the couch, tucking qir feet under qim as Anarkitty hopped up on qir lap. “Hey, baby,” qi said, petting her gently. 

“So… What exactly happened with you two?” Ansyn asked. Qi felt the couch shift under qim as Ansyn sat down next to qim, and qi turned to where qi figured she was sitting. 

“Well… I was maced at a protest. Someone brought me to Commie and… I was worried at first, but he took care of me. He’s been taking care of me while you were away.”

“And you trust him?” 

“I…” Qi scratched at the base of Anarkitty’s tail, clicking qir teeth together. “I think so. Not fully but… we slept together again and everything was okay. It was nice to just… have him hold me again. It feels right. It always has.”

“Wait, like, slept together-slept together, or cuddled?”

“Oh my god, get your mind out of the gutter,” Qi laughed, reaching over to tap her on the shoulder and missing completely. “We cuddled, jeez. Just like before. He’s hot sure, but neither of us like the other like that. I’m like, 99% sure he’s acearo. Or straight. Either way, I’ve literally never him show any attraction of any sort to anyone.” 

“Really.” 

“Uhm, yeah? Why are you talking like that? I can’t see your face you have to be even more obvious about your tone than usual.” 

“Never mind. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m worrying.” 

“I promise. It’s okay. Has he apologised?” She asked. 

“Oh, yeah! Multiple times. It’s hard for me to… fully trust him, but I believe him. I guess… I guess I was wrong. I’m… I’m honestly really happy to have him back. I really missed him, Ansyn. I didn’t even realise how much I missed him. And he’s been here the whole time. And now I have him back.” 

Ansyn was quiet for a moment. “What exactly is he to you?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Like… Is he just your friend, is he something more than that?” 

“As in, romantic feelings? I already told you I don’t.” 

“But, Ancom… I don’t think that’s true. You care a lot about him. The way you used to look at him… You looked at him like he was the most incredible person on the planet.” 

“I mean, I’d known him for a long time. He was one of my closest friends. Is one of my closest friends.” 

“You and I both know it’s more than that.”

“I don’t! I don’t see how it’s anything more than that. He’s my handsome friend that I love a lot and he’s nothing more than that. I don’t want anything more than that. Maybe I  _ used  _ to have a tiny crush on him, but it’s not like I do anymore!” 

“If you say so…” Ansyn muttered. Ancom felt frustrated, why wasn’t she listening to qim? Like, qi understood qir own feelings, didn’t qi? Qi thought qi did. How could qi not? 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Commie hummed slightly as he walked into the apartment, having a moment of peace before being tackled by Fal. “YOU’RE FINALLY BACK!!!” Fal squealed. “Where were you the past few days? MarxFem said you were here yesterday for about five minutes but I was doing homework and I’m sad I missed it because even though you can be annoying I still missed you and I get lonely easily and where were you?” Commie laughed slightly, tossing Fal’s small form over his shoulder. “Hey!!!” Pup squeaked. 

“Then don’t try to tackle me, you little gremlin.” 

“I WILL DO WHATEVER I WANT AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME!” Commie laughed, putting him back on the ground, where they immediately hugged him again. “I love you. ACCEPT THE LOVE!!!” 

“I was gone for less than 48 hours.” 

“And I  _ missed  _ you. You’re my big brother and I full-heartedly believe that I have the right to miss my big brother. Okay, so where were you? You didn’t tell me where you were yet. You have to tell me where you were, because I want to know where you were, and if I can come next time, because I am  _ bored,  _ and this stupid pandemic makes everything _ boring _ and I want to  _ do something. _ ” 

“I was taking care of Ancom.”

“You  _ WHAT?!  _ ANCOM ANCOM? YOUR CRUSH ANCOM? THE ONE I HAVEN’T MET YET ANCOM? ANCOM WHO USES NEOPRONOUNS?” 

“Yes, Fal. Ancom Ancom. My  _ friend.  _ Not my crush.” 

“That’s stupid. You like qim. You talk about qim too much to not like qim.” 

Commie opened his mouth to retort, but was startled by someone banging on the window. That someone was Posadist. “HEY! COME LET ME IN! ZOMEONE LOCKED THE WINDOW!” Fal skipped up, unlocking it and letting Posadist in. 

“Commie’s back! See? Commie’s back! He was with his crush!” 

“How many times do I have to tell you two that I don’t like qim like that?”

“Until it ztartz being true,” Posadist buzzed, xer antennae waving slightly. 

“Okay, maybe, possibly, I might be a little bit in love with qim, but none of that is either of your business.” 

“YES!!! YES!! HE’S IN LOVE! HE’S IN LOVE!!!” Fal squealed, jumping up and down excitedly. “OUR BROTHER IS IN LOVE, POSSEY!!!! OUR BROTHER IS IN LOVE OUR BROTHER IS IN LOVE OUR BROTHER IS IN LOVE!!” 

“Please stop talking…” Commie muttered.

“NO! I’M EXCITED AND HAPPY FOR YOU!!!” MarxFem poked her head out of her room. 

“Are we teasing Commie for his crush?” She asked.

“No!! We’re being happy because he finally admitted that he’s in love to himself!!! We’re being very very very happy!!! Did you tell qim yet, Commie? Did you tell qim? You should tell qim! You should ask qim out!!!” 

“Absolutely not. Look, this is something I need to handle. Ancom doesn’t feel the same way about me, and that’s alright. None of you needs to worry about this.”

“Where did you get the impression qi doesn’t?”

“You’ve never met qim, Fal. After what I did, I doubt qi does, even if qi used to.”

“But you should give it a shot!” Fal whined. “What could go wrong? You should!” 

“Look, it doesn’t matter. I can handle my own relationships.” 

“You didn’t realise you were in love with qim for A HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS. In NO WAY can you handle your own relationships,” pup huffed, crossing his arms and sticking out their bottom lip. 

“You’re thirteen.”

“I don’t see how that’s relevant,” Fal muttered. 

“You don’t know anything about romantic relationships.”

“I know that you’re a big dumb-dumb that needs to kiss Ancom.” 

“You can’t kiss someone without their consent.”

“Then ask first, duh. You should still kiss qim.” 

“I can’t believe I’m being lectured on my romantic relationships by a thirteen-year-old.” 

“You’ve been lectured on your romantic relationships by a seven-year-old.” 

“You’re not making this any less embarrassing for me.”

“Wait, guyz, I have a zolution. We lock them in a room together until they get their zhit together and kizz,” Posadist said brightly, an ominous smile spreading across xer face. 

“OH MY GOD POSADIST YOU’RE ONTO SOMETHING HERE!” Fal grinned brightly, starting to bounce in place. 

“Don’t you dare.”

“Then  _ AZK QIM OUT YOU UZELEZZ HOMOZEXUAL! _ ”

“While I fully support bullying Commie for his crush, please do not kidnap our brother and Ancom,” MarxFem sighed. “Commie, c’mere. These two won’t help. Come talk with me.” She took his hand, all but dragging him into her room. “Okay, so what exactly happened? When did you realise?” 

“I guess… I guess I was just thinking last night, and… I realised… I think I’ve been in love with qim since I first met qim all those years ago. Qi makes me feel so many things, and it’s hard to put into words, because it’s so complex, but I know… I know that I love qim.” He looked down at his lap, taking his hat off to run a hand through his hair. “It’s stupid, right?” 

“No. It isn’t.” MarxFem put a hand on his shoulder, smiling at him softly. “I’m proud of you. Now you just have to talk to qim.” 

“What do you mean? What if I upset qim? What if they don’t want anything to do with me anymore?”   
  


“I think qi might be more… positive about this than you think.”

“It’s been so long. Anything qi could have ever felt is surely gone now.”

“It wasn’t gone for you. Just… try to talk to qim, won’t you? It will be good for both of you.” 

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. And unless Ancom’s a completely different person, qi wouldn’t shut you out for this. Qi’s too loving for that.” 

“I hope you’re right.” 

“I always am.” 

* * *

  
  
  


Most of the day passed without incident, a fairly average day for the two of them. Ancom listened to a few podcasts qi’d recorded a couple of days prior, and Ansyn worked on a few articles. Qi was more into the direct action stuff. Running squats, going out to physically talk to people, running food serves, stuff like that. But now… there really wasn’t anything qi could  _ do.  _

“Ancom?” Ansyn said suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence. 

“Yeah?” Ancom said absently, turning qir head automatically to where Ansyn’s voice was coming from.

“You said you slept with Commie again, right? How long have you two… done that sort of thing?” 

“I mean, forever really. We shared some rooms while at the first Internationale, cause I forgot to rent some and he saw me after the main meetings. We didn’t know each other then, but we got really close really fast. You were off somewhere else. I think in America? I don’t remember. And during the Russian Revolution, we shared beds a lot to save space.”

“Why are you doing it now?”

“I… I don’t know. I just… I like it, I guess,” Qi mumbled. “He’s warm. And he just holds me a lot. And picks me up. And is just generally affectionate. I like it.” 

“You do realise he’s in love with you, right? He does that because he’s in love with you. He’s been in love with you forever.” 

“I—what?!” 

“He’s in love with you. How have you not noticed, Ancom? How have you not noticed the way he looks at you? It’s always been obvious, to me anyway. God, he even said it. He said he loves you.”

“I… I don’t… How? When?  _ Why? _ ”

“Ancom, are you alright?” She asked. 

“He never… He never said anything…”    
  


“Ancom, you look like you’re going to have a panic attack, take a deep breath—” Ancom shook qir head, standing up and startling Anarkitty off qir chest. Qi could hear Ansyn talking, but none of the words seemed distinct enough to make out. Qir mind hammered out a repeated pattern of ‘ _ How? Why? When? _ ’ as qi stumbled into qir room, managing to lock the door before all but throwing qimself on the cold, open bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry for this cliffhanger 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry i couldnt get this out yesterday *sobs* i was having some trouble starting it
> 
> just chapters nine and ten left now, and then an epilogue!!! we're in the home stretch now baby!!!!!!!

Qi wasn’t exactly sure when qi’d fallen asleep, but when qi called for Ansyn, she didn’t answer. Ancom stumbled to qir feet, managing to open the door with fairly little issue. Well, aside from missing the handle the first time qi reached for it. Where was Commie? Wasn’t he supposed to come today? 

Commie. What Ansyn had said yesterday rushed back to qim. Commie. In love with qim. Was that even possible? It… it made sense in a sickening sort of way. He said he loved qim. Qi thought he meant it… in a friendly way, but apparently, qi was wrong. (If Ansyn was right…) Did Ancom even want it to be true? It was terrifying if qi was honest. And if he loved qim… Why did he let qim go? Could he really be in love with qim if he threw qim away so easily? 

But… part of Ancom liked the idea. Of being with him. Of him loving qim. It was strange, but it was a lot more appealing than qi would have thought. Qi… Qi  _ wanted  _ that. Holding each other had always been nice, but truly being in a relationship sounded… good. God, it sounded good. 

“Ancom? Can I come in?” Qi lifted qir head, moving qir head from side to side as though qi might be able to see who was talking. Force of habit was annoying. After a moment, qi recognised the voice as Commie’s.

“Y-yeah, sure.” Qi heard the door swing open, and Commie walk through, sitting down next to qim. 

“Hey kiska, how have you been?” He asked, arm going around qir waist. “You look a little messy. Are those the same clothes you were wearing yesterday?” 

“Uhm, yeah, I fell asleep in them by accident.”

“Oh. I brought a few books today, if you wanted me to read to you. Admittedly, I only have political theory, but I tried to get the ones you’d like. I brought the collection of Kropotkin’s writings you gave me in 1910: The Conquest of Bread, Mutual Aid: A Factor of Evolution, Fields, Factories, and Workshops, and The State: Its Historic Role.” 

“You still have those?” Ancom asked softly. 

“Well, uhm, yes. You wrote little notes everywhere and annotations and a note inside each cover in Russian for me. They’re really insightful.” 

“Oh! Thanks. I knew you didn’t have much anarchist theory, and Kropotkin was always my favourite. It took me forever to copy all my notes for you,” Qi laughed. “I’m really glad they helped.” 

“So, erm, can I read to you?”

“Yes! Yes, please, that would be… really lovely.” 

“Great!” Ancom felt Commie pull qim in a little closer, blushing slightly as he kissed the top of qir head. “Do you care which one?”

“Uhm, Mutual Aid, if that’s okay. It’s been a while since I’ve read it.” 

“Of course, kiska.” Qi settled against him as he opened the book, listenening the familiar rustle of pages as he began reading the familiar Russian aloud. “Два аспекта животной жизни поразили меня больше всего во время путешествий, которые я совершил в юности по Восточной Сибири и Северной Маньчжурии. одним из них была крайняя жестокость борьбы за существование, которую большинство видов животных вынуждено вести против Природы и жестокости…” Qi mouthed along to the words, they were so familiar, but something about Commie’s voice made them feel… Different. Warmer. Ancom couldn’t help but smile listening to him read them, and closed qir eyes beneath the bandage. 

A few chapters in, Commie stopped suddenly. “Are you still listening?” 

“Huh? Yeah, sorry! Sorry, your voice is just… nice. I like listening to your voice. It’s distracting.” 

“Do you want me to stop?’’ 

“If you want to. You don’t have to. I like listening. It’s just… hard to focus on the words.” 

“I like reading to you, so… I’ll keep going, if that’s okay.” 

“Yay!” Commie laughed slightly, moving one hand down to stroke qir hair. 

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” Ancom swallowed, biting down on qir lip. 

“Are you in love with me?” Qi blurted out. 

“I—I…” Commie stuttered out. Ancom sat up, pulling away from him slightly. 

“It—It’s fine if you are, Ansyn just, she said you were, and I—”

“I have to go.” 

  
“Wha—”

“I’ll see you later.” 

“Wait!” But the door was already closing by the time qi could get to qir feet. “Commie…” Qi whispered. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Ancom stripped off qir t-shirt and leggings as soon as qi was in the bathroom, ripping off the stupid bandage and turning the shower up to scorching heat and sitting down on the floor of the tub to hide qir tears as they began to stream down qir face. How could qi be such a fuck up? Qi really fucking ruined everything, didn’t qi? He did. He did love qim. He did and qi fucked it up. He wasn’t going to want anything to do with qim. He was going to think qi hated him, and qi  _ didn’t _ , qi really, really didn’t, but he didn’t know that, he was probably freaked out, and, and…

Qi was a fucking idiot. Qi was an absolute fucking idiot. How could qi have been so blind? In retrospect, it all seemed so obvious. Commie never hugged anyone, kissed anyone, anything like that. Only qim. Commie said he loved qim so many times. Ancom always just assumed he meant platonically, but really, how could qi have been this blind to him? 

The crushing irony of it all swirled around qim, drowning out everything like the hot water pelting qir back, the horrible poetic justice dawning as a dry sob rose in qir throat.  _ I’m blind. I’m fucking blind. I was blind to him for so fucking long. I’m blind, and I’ve always been blind, and everyone knew it but me.  _

And what’s worse, qi wasn’t just blind to him, but to qir own true feelings. Flutters qi’d always dismissed so easily as a stupid crush were now painfully obvious, every single way qi’d been falling deeper in love with him for the past century and a half choking qim as sobs wracked qir body. 

How the fuck was qi supposed to fix this? How the fuck was qi supposed to explain ‘Oh, yeah, I accidentally made you think I hated you because I was too much of a fucking dumbass to notice my own fucking feelings, but I hope that’s okay and you’re not too mad at me.’ Qi doubted Commie was as stupid as qi was. He’d probably known forever. 

And even if qi did fix it… Commie deserved better. Commie deserved someone who wasn’t utterly helpless, deserved someone who wasn’t a reckless and irresponsible idiot, deserved someone who wasn’t at fault for every fucking bad thing in qir own life.  _ He deserves better than me.  _

Qi stayed in the shower long past the time it ran ice-cold, tears running down qir face the whole time. How was qi this stupid? Maybe… Maybe if qi called him… Qi could fix it. Maybe. Qi stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around qimself, and went to qir bedroom. After a couple of minutes of searching, qi found qir phone knocked beneath the nightstand. “Call Commie,” Ancom instructed it. The phone rang, and it rang, and he didn’t pick up. “Call Commie!” Qi told it again, worrying at qir lip. After several tries, qi collapsed back against the bed, looking up at the ceiling. The ceiling fan was semi-visible, a darker, somewhat defined shape on the ceiling. That should have comforted qim, but it just didn’t. Commie wouldn’t even pick up his cellphone. How the hell was qi supposed to find him? God, qi was ashamed, but qi couldn’t keep the sobs from Commie back. He didn’t want anything to do with qim, did he?    
  


“Ancom? Are you okay in there? I just got home. Where’s Commie? Wasn’t he supposed to take care of you today? What’s wrong? Can I come in?”

“Y-Yeah,” Qi managed. The door creaked open, and Ansyn sat down next to qim. 

“Ancom, what happened? Where is he?” 

“I asked him if he was in love with me.”

“Oh, sweetheart…”

“He just… he just ran. He won’t pick up my calls. Ansyn, Ansyn, I’m so stupid. You were right, you were right, I love him, I’m so stupid. Ansyn, I’m so stupid, he isn’t going to want anything to do with me. I miss him so much already.” 

“I’m so sorry, Ancom. Do you want me to try?”

“No, no, it has to be me. I need to talk to him.”

“I could try to take you to him the day after tomorrow. I’ll be busy basically all of tomorrow, but I can bring you to him Friday. He gave me his address. I’ll text it to you.”

‘Thanks, Ansyn.” 

“I’ll go pick us up some take-out. Does Chinese sound good to you? Orange chicken and spring rolls?” 

“Yeah, that would be great of you.” 

“Gotcha. I’ll be back soon. I love you.” 

“Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys like this one!!! sorry its a bit angsty, but i PROMISE we have a lovely happy ending full of fluff and joy!!! you all trust me, right? <3 <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes. i posted two chapters in a day.   
> yes. that is insane.  
> you may fall at my feet and worship me now

When Ancom woke up, qi knew qi couldn’t wait any longer. Qi had to find him, now. Qi couldn’t push this off, qi had to take things into qir own hands. Just because qi was blind didn’t mean qi was fucking helpless. Ancom could do things. Ancom could fix things qimself. Qi didn’t need help. Qi could find him, and qi could fix everything, and everything would be okay. 

Qi walked to qir closet, grabbing a t-shirt at random, a pair of jeans, and qir old cat-eared hoodie. Qi somehow managed to lace qir combat boots with fairly little trouble, tied qir bandana around qir face, and then paused. Qi could see basic shapes at this point, qir bed, the nightstand, the lamp, the ceiling fan… That might come in handy if qi’s trying to do things. Ancom settled on grabbing a pair of old sunglasses from qir dresser, quickly grabbed Commie’s books from the coffee table, and walked out the door. 

“Read me my last message from Ansyn.” 

“1917 on 10th street.” 

“Oh my god, nerd,” Qi muttered under qir breath, smiling slightly. “Alright, give me walking directions to 1917 on 10th street.”

“Calculating… Walk forward three blocks then turn left.” Ancom started down the steps quickly, leaving the building with anxiety high in qir chest. Qi only had the vaguest idea of if qi’d bump into someone, or some _ thing  _ for that matter… But it didn’t matter. Qi had to do this. Nobody else could fix it for qim. 

For the first few minutes, qi felt like qi had at least a  _ vague  _ idea of where qi was in relation to qir apartment, but after the third turn any idea of where qi practically vanished. Ancom was alone and exposed, with only qir phone to guide qim. Ancom’d never really appreciated the bumps on the pavement to signal the end of the sidewalk before, or the sound the crosswalk lights made when it was safe to cross before, but goddamn if qi wouldn’t be even more lost without them. Qi didn’t know how long qi’d been walking, or how close qi was. All qi knew was to follow what the phone said. “Turn right at the next intersection onto 12th street.” Qi had to be getting close now. 

Ancom waited for the next instruction, but it didn’t come. “Siri, give me walking directions to 1917 on 10th street!” Nothing. “Uh, uhm, play Guerilla Radio.” Nothing _.  _ “Read me my last message.”  _ Nothing.  _ The phone was dead. 

_ Fuck.  _

Qi looked around frantically, hoping to find a way to get out of this. “Excuse me!” Ancom called out at random, hoping someone would hear and notice. 

“Uhm, yes?” 

“Which way is tenth street?” 

“It’s that way.” The person seemed to lift their arm and point to the left. 

“That way?” 

“Uhm, yes.” the person sounded confused, probably why Ancom couldn’t see the sign qimself. 

“Thank you!” Qi followed that way for a few minutes, before realising qi had no idea where to stop. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This was a horrible idea. Qi was completely lost. Completely and hopelessly lost. Ancom clutched onto the books tightly, squeezing qir eyes shut to hold back any tears that would slip to the surface. Qir throat seemed to collapse in on itself, and a few tears slipped through qir eyelids. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” What the fuck was qi supposed to do?! “Fuck, god, fuck!” 

“Ancom? Is that you?” Qi whirled around, seeing a darker shape in front of qim. “Kiska, what are you doing?”  _ Commie…  _ The tears qi was hardly holding back started freely falling, and qi dropped the books to all but throw qimself at Commie. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so sorry, Commie, I had to find you, I’m sorry, I messed everything up, I’m sorry, please don’t be mad at me, you wouldn’t pick up my calls, I thought you hated me, I didn’t know what to do, I’m… I’m so sorry,” Qi babbled, clutching onto his shirt as though it was a liferaft. 

“No, god, Ancom, kiska, don’t apologise. Let me help you, we’re only a block away from my apartment. I was getting groceries. God, did you walk all the way here yourself?” 

“I… yeah…”

“How on earth did you manage that?” 

“I had my phone give me directions. Ansyn gave me your address. But it  _ died _ , and I got lost, and… and you found me. I’m an idiot. I should have checked to see if it was charged.”

“You’re not an idiot. That was very clever.” 

“And I brought your books. I, uhm, dropped them just now, but I thought you might want them back.” 

“T-thanks Ancom. I’ll get them, don’t worry.” Qi figured he must have picked them up, because a moment later Commie took qir hand. “Come on. We’re a minute or so away.” The feeling of qir hand enveloped by his made Ancom extremely happy and also feel like crying again. Maybe things were just going to be okay. 

They walked for a few minutes, eventually up a flight of stairs and down (what Ancom assumed to be) a hall. “One second, I’ve got to unlock the door.” Qi heard the lock click and the door swing open a moment later. “My siblings are probably—”

“Commie!!! You're finally back!!! Oh my god, you brought Ancom! HI ANCOM! You haven't met me yet but I know all about you, 'cause Commie talks about you so much, he really likes you, my name is Fal, wait, you can't see me, can you? Okay, you have to get better soon, cause right now my hair is pink and I want you to see!” 

“Fal, don't crowd qim,” A soft voice said. “Hey, Ancom. It's been a while.” Qi recognised the voice as MarxFem after a moment. Commie's sister. 

“Oh... hi,” Qi said quietly. “Uh, are you sure I should be here—” 

“Don't be silly. Come on in. Fal, out of the way, you'll trip qim. Commie, help qim to the couch, Posadist,  _ get off the fridge I swear to god _ , do you want some cocoa or tea? Well, you ought to talk to Commie, I'm sure you two have plenty to speak about.” Ancom bit qir lip. Yeah, you could say that... Like apologising profusely and hopefully kissing him. That would be something to speak about. 

“Aw, but I wanna meet Ancom!” Fal whined. 

“No, Fal. Leave the two of them be.”

“But I—”

“No. Don't you have that painting you're working on?” 

“But I want them to kiss!” 

“FAL!” 

“Fiiiiiiiiiiiine…” Ancom heard footsteps that could only be described as pouty go off towards somewhere, and a door shut. 

“You two go talk in Commie's room. You need it.” 

“What would we need to talk about?” Commie asked, as though he was trying to seem innocent and failing miserably. 

“You know full well what you need to talk about. Now  _ go talk _ .”

“Yeah, zeriouzly, go talk!” What Ancom could only assume was Posadist buzzed. Qi'd heard of xem along the way but never interacted with xem. “You ztupid gayz need to just work out your izzuez zo that I can ztop worrying about them!”

“Or you could stop prying into people's personal lives.” 

“Do you really think I'd do that?” 

“Point taken. Now stop going through the cabinets. You're not going to find the blowtorch.” 

“I have to go take apart zome fire alarmz anyway…” A swish of air and a slam of what sounded vaguely like a window came a few seconds later. 

“I have some writing to do. Go talk.” 

“Uhm...” Commie made a small sound of uncertainty. Ancom squirmed slightly, shifting from foot to foot. “Here, let's just... my room's through here. They're never going to leave us alone unless we talk.” Ancom laughed lightly.

“Yeah, sounds like it…” Commie took qir hand again to guide qim, and qir heart seemed to skip lightly at his touch. Why was it after all this time it still reduced qim to this? Qi bounced slightly when qi sat on the bed, biting qir lip and looking (sort of) down at qir lap. 

“Here, let me tie you another bandage. You shouldn't go too long without one.” 

“Erm, yeah…” He shifted around, and the bed bounced slightly beneath qim as he stood up and sat back down to tie the gauze around qir eyes again. “Commie, I, I really do want to talk about yesterday. I'm really, really, really sorry, I know I fucked up, I shouldn't have scared you like that, I... I'm so sorry.”

“Ancom, please, please don't apologise. I'm the one that needs to apologize, I messed up, I made you uncomfortable. You have every right to reject me, and I need to simply deal with that—”

“I never said I was rejecting you,” Ancom said softly. 

“You— What?” He stammered. 

“I never said I was rejecting you,” Qi repeated, biting down on qir lip and bouncing qir leg slightly. “I… I really like you, Commie. I know it’s stupid, but I’ve loved you for so long, and I should have known, but I was too fucking blind to see it. I’m blind, and I’ve always been blind, and everyone knew but me.” Qi would have cried, but the words felt hollow this time. They felt empty, the acceptance of what they meant engulfing qim in a grey mist, too hazy to find any sort of clarity but the hurt. “I’m so sorry. I’m a fucking idiot.” A small gasp left qir lips as qi felt Commie trace along the side of qir face and tilt qir chin up towards him. 

“You’re not blind. I only just realised it too.”

"You—you did?” 

“Yeah. I’ve been in love with you for a hundred and fifty goddamn years, and I only realised it last night. Guess we’re both idiots, huh?” Ancom laughed shakily, leaning into his touch. 

“I guess so. I assumed you already knew but I… guess not. You’re… you’re not angry at me, right? You don’t hate me?” 

“God, kiska, if either of us should hate the other, it’s you. I don’t deserve you after what I did.” 

“I forgive you.” Qi only just realised it to be fully true, but it undeniably was. “I forgive you. I forgive you and I trust you. Commie, I love you. I really love you.”

“I love you. I love you, oh my god, kiska, detka, solnishko, koshecka, ya lyublyu vas, ya lyublyu vas.” 

“Kiss me,” Qi whispered. “Kiss me, please—” Their lips met in an instant, and Ancom’s hands immediately went to fist in Commie’s shirt, while he tangleed one of his in qir curls and slid the other up qir shirt so it was resting on the small of qir back. Ancom hardly cared that qi couldn’t see anything as Comie all but pinned qim to the bed as they kissed. This was everything. God, how were they so stupid as to wait this long? This was perfect. 

After a few long moments, they finally pulled apart, both all but gasping for breath. “You’re so beautiful,” Commie whispered hoarsely, pressing another kiss to qir jaw. “Fuck, Ancom, god, I love you so much. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted.” 

  
  


* * *

  
  


The rest of the day passed in a blur, and though Ancom could remember having conversations with both Fal and Posadist, and at least two with MarxFem, the only thing that mattered was Commie. Commie, Commie, Commie. They shared a few more kisses throughout the day, and every single time Fal squealed. Ancom could understand that, qi kind of wanted to, but qi wasn’t a hundred percent sure why Commie’s little brother was so excited over it. 

“I can sleep with you, right?” Qi asked as they walked back into the bedroom.

“Of course, kiska. I don’t have any pyjamas that would fit you, do you want one of my t-shirts or something?” 

“That sounds perfect.” Qi didn’t both stepping out, just taking off qir shirt and putting Commie’s old one on before stripping off qir pants and flopping on the bed. Qi lifted the shirt to qir nose, smiling as qi breathed in Commie’s scent. Commie lay down next to qim, automatically putting his arms around qim. Ancom snuggled against him, burying qir face against his neck and pressing a few small kisses. “I want you to hold me forever.” 

“I’ll see what I can do.” He kissed the top of qir head gently. 

“Commie?” Qi said after a few quiet moments. “Will you go on a date with me? I want to go on a date with you. I don’t know what we’d do, but… let’s go on a date tomorrow. Just the two of us. And just… be together.” 

“That sounds really lovely, Ancom,” Commie said softly. 

“And… are you my boyfriend? It’s okay if you don’t want that yet, but… I would like that.”

“I’d like that too.” Ancom moved up to kiss him, running qir fingers along his cheek. “I love you, Ancom. My sweet kiska.” 

“I love you too, Commie. I’ll see you in the morning. Sort of,” Qi added. He laughed slightly, and a few moments later Ancom fell asleep, wrapped in Commie’s arms, exactly where qi belonged. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoyed this absolutely tooth rotting fluff as much as i enjoyed writing it!  
> one more real chapter and then an epilogue and then this wonderful journey has come to an end 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, the last real chapter! now we have only an epilogue and this long journey has come to an end!

When Ancom woke up, Commie still had qim wrapped in his arms tightly, qir forehead pressed against his chest and qir hands loosely holding fistfuls of his shirt. Qi blinked slowly, able to just barely make out his shape different from the surroundings. “Good morning, kiska,” Commie whispered, pressing a tender kiss to qir forehead. “How did you sleep?” 

“Good. I’ve been sleeping better the last few days. I like sleeping with you. You’re warm and smell nice.” Qi snuggled against him again. “I wanna sleep in your arms forever.” 

“If only…” He sighed. “Scooch up some. I want to kiss you.” Ancom blushed, squirming up slightly and accidentally bonking their noses together. 

“Heh… hi.” 

“Hey.” His lips were on qirs a moment later and he cupped qir face gently. The kiss started lazy and soft, but grew more intense as Ancom parted qir lips. Qi let out a soft squeak as Commie pulled qim on top of himself, wrapping an arm around qir waist. They stayed like that for a long while, eventually pulling apart and just breathing together. 

“I want to wake up like this every day,” Commie said softly, tucking a curl behind qir ear. 

“You wake up too early for that,” qi giggled. “You always woke up at like, 5 am.” 

“I’ve been waking up later for you. Or, I guess just… holding you for a few hours. You look so sweet when you’re asleep. You seem happy.” 

“I have been happy the past few days,” Ancom told him. “I really missed you. Life isn’t the same without you. We only knew each other for fifty years before being apart for a century, but… Commie, meeting you that day was the single most incredible day of my life. And you taking care of me the last few days, I feel so ridiculous not noticing it before, and... And I feel like the last few days really just—” Qi cut off abruptly. 

“Opened your eyes?’ Commie asked, and qi could practically hear the smile playing on his lips. 

“Uhm, yeah…” 

“I’m glad, Ancom. I really am. Everything with you… it feels right. Thank you for giving me another chance, kiska. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve  _ you. _ ” Qi interrupted him with a kiss. 

“Don’t tell me that. That’s ridiculous, Commie. Commie, I don’t care what you deserve. Who can even quantify that? Not me. What I care about is the fact that I love you. I love you so fucking much, Commie. You fucked up. And you fucked up in a big way. But I don’t care. I trust you. I don’t care if it’s silly. I don’t care if it’s stupid. I don’t care how long this lasts. I don’t care what anyone says. I love you. I love you, and I know I’m gonna love you as long as I fucking live. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted. And maybe I’m an idiot for this. But I like it. I like it, I like being with you, and I like you. So don’t be stupid. Okay? I love you. I love you, and I want to move on from the past. You were stupid. You fucked up. And I forgive you. And sometimes I’m gonna need reassurance, and you’re gonna have to apologise again, but that’s not right now. I love you. Okay?” 

“Okay,” he whispered. His voice was rough, almost tearful. Commie caught qir lips again, pulling qim back in for a long kiss. “We’re together. We’re not making that mistake again. I won’t let us.”

“Neither will I.” Qi pressed a kiss to his jaw, trailing them along the curve before settling back against his chest and burying qir face in his neck. 

“We should probably get up,” Commie said after a moment, but he didn’t sound all that set on the idea in Ancom’s opinion. 

“I guess…” Qi hummed. “But this is really nice.”

“It is…” He brought a hand up to Ancom’s hair, petting through qir curls gently. 

They stayed like that for a while longer, just breathing together, occasionally kissing each other, when there was a sharp knock on the door. 

“Love birds! Someone’s here to see you,” MarxFem said. 

“Wonder who it is…” Ancom mumbled. Commie shifted qim in his arms, carrying qim bridal style out of the room. 

“Ancom! There you are! I was worried sick, oh my god, how did you even get here? I swear, Commie, if you brought qim here, I will literally murder you.” Ansyn sounded more worried and angry than Ancom had heard her sound in a long time. 

“I came here myself,” Ancom said. “You sent me the address. And I walked here.” 

“Oh my  _ god,  _ Ancom. You are… so stupid.” 

“I mean, yeah, but look!” Qi reached up to Commie, pulling him in for a kiss. “He’s my boyfriend now.” 

“Finally,” She groaned. “You two have been chasing your damn tails for a century and a fucking half. Commie, if you hurt qim again, they will never find your body. Capiche?”

“Uhm… gotcha.” Ancom snickered at Commie’s tone, which was somewhere between admiration and sheer terror, which was a pretty accurate description of Ansyn in qir opinion. Terrifying with a side of draw-dropping beauty and kick assery. That was Ansyn for you. 

“Well… I have to go out. More protests. If you keep qim another night,  _ please  _ text me. I was worried out of my mind. Now go… Do whatever it is you were doing.” Qi heard the door to the apartment close a few moments later. 

“Let’s go get dressed.” Ancom hummed in agreement, letting qimself be set back down on the bed a few moments later. “Do you want to borrow some of my clothes again? You could probably wear the same jeans.”

“Mm, sure, and I’ll just wear my hoodie on whatever t-shirt you have.” Qi felt him put a pile of clothes on qir lap, and separated them into a pair of boxers, a t-shirt, qir jeans, and qir hoodie. Ancom changed fairly quickly, not bothering to zip the hoodie up. 

“Here, stay still for a moment while a tie you a bandage,” Commie told qim. “So, where exactly do you want to go? For a date, I mean.” 

“Oh! I thought, I dunno, we could get lunch and go back to my apartment, and maybe bake something? Cause I might be useless at cooking, but I got good at baking, and it would be fun, and… I don’t know if I can handle  _ going  _ somewhere, you know?” 

“Of course, Ancom. Do you have any preferences?” 

“No, just take me somewhere. I trust you.” 

“Alright.” He took qir hand, bringing it up to his lips and brushing a kiss across qir knuckles. 

“You’re very physically affectionate, aren’t you?” 

“Have to make up for lost time, don’t I?” 

  
“You’re ridiculous, just so you know.” 

“Ztop flirting and juzt go!” Posadist whined from somewhere behind qim. “You two are acting like an old married couple and it’z annoying! Zomehow even more annoying than before! Juzt go on your ztupid date!” Ancom stuck out qir tongue, hoping it was aimed somewhere near Posadist. Their hands stayed linked as Commie guided qim out of the building and started on a path. The day was brisk, a light breeze flowing through the air and tussling Ancom’s curls lightly. They stayed in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Ancom spoke again. 

“I get the feeling people are staring at me… The bandage and stuff…” Qi mumbled. 

“They’re not,” Commie said, a little too quickly. “Well… maybe they’re staring a little. Maybe I should have gotten you a blindfold or something. Then people would just think we’re… creative.” 

“Kinky, you mean.” 

“Uhm, yes. That.” 

“I’m honestly surprised you know about kink,” Ancom teased. “Taking time away from your busy schedule of reading Marx to look up BDSM?”

“...I’m not going to dignify that comment with a response.” Qi giggled, shoving him slightly. 

“You know I’m just playing, Commie, I love you.” Ancom was never going to get sick of saying those three words to him. I love you. I love you, I love you. Qi couldn’t say it enough. After everything, qi wanted to just believe that this would be okay. That everything was going to be perfect. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Qi honestly had no idea where they’d ended up, but qi thought the food was pretty good. They were heading back to qir apartment now, Ansyn wouldn’t be back for a while, so they would have it to themselves. Aside from eating, their hands had stayed linked the entire day. Ancom would never get sick of the way his hand held qirs, of the rough callouses and the strength. Qi’d never get sick of kissing him, of hugs, of any of it. It was all so perfect. 

People always spoke so fondly of love, and now Ancom understood. There was pain, and there was confusion, but god, there was so much joy, a flutter in qir chest, this feeling like… Like nothing could go wrong as long as they were together, like everything was going to work out, no matter what happened. “We’re here,” Commie said softly as qi heard the familiar creak of the front door to qir building. 

“You still have my key, right?” 

“Mhmm. It’s in my pocket.” Qi heard him flick the lights on as they walked in (though it didn’t make much of a difference for qim), and qi smiled to qimself as qi felt anarkitty walk up and wind herself around qir legs. 

“Hey, kitten,” Qi cooed, leaning over to scratch her chin. “Did you miss me, honey? You’re such a good kitten.” Qi scooped her up like a baby, kissing her forehead. “Such a pretty baby kitty kitty, aren’t you? Yes, yes you are. The prettiest kitty kitty.” 

“You’re so sweet, Ancom,” Commie smiled, dropping a kiss on the top of qir head. “So what exactly do you want to do?” 

“I thought maybe we could make some bread? I have a recipe for bread I really like, it’s 4 cups of flour, 1 1/2 teaspoons of salt, a packet of active dry yeast, 2 tablespoons of olive oil, and 1 3/4 cups of hot water. It comes out really well and it’s nice and fluffy!” Qi put Anarkitty down on the ground, letting her scamper off. 

“I’m not great at baking, I’m better at the normal cooking stuff, but you can show me.” Ancom brightened, beaming at Commie cheerfully. 

“You’ll have to measure and get the ingredients out, cause I’m blind, but I can knead the bread and stuff!” Qi pulled qimself up onto the counter next to the stove, kicking qir legs slightly. “The flour is in the top of the pantry, I think you probably know that by now, the olive oil is somewhere at the bottom, we can just microwave the water, and the yeast is in the little spice box thing.” Qi heard Commie bustling around, getting out the ingredients and measuring cups. 

“Okay, so put the salt, flour, and yeast in the green mixing bowl. Mix them, and make a well. Then microwave the water and pour it and the olive oil in the well, and then give it to me so I can mix.” The bowl and a wooden spoon were in qir hands a few moments later, and qi started mixing them. It was always fairly rough at first. The ratio of water to flour made a pretty thick dough which, it  _ was  _ bread, so that shouldn’t exactly be a surprise. 

Qi shoved a finger into the dough after a few minutes of mixing, making sure it was mixed enough to knead. “Where’s the flour?” Qi asked. 

“Oh, here, I’ll flour the counter for you.” 

“Thanks!” Commie put an arm around qir waist, showing qim the counter. Qi started kneading it, smiling to qimself as Commie added his other arm, resting his head on top of qirs. “Here, put your hands on it. I’ll show you how to knead the dough.” Qi put qir hands on top of his, guiding his movements easily. “See? Not that hard.” Ancom twisted around slightly to kiss his neck gently. 

“It has to rise now,” Ancom told him when they finished. “Then we knead it again, then put it in loaf pans, then let it rise twenty more minutes, then cook, and then we go cuddle for the rest of the day. Maybe you can read to me again? I liked that.” 

“Of course, kiska.” He kissed the top of qir head. 

When they finished the bread, Commie carried qim into qir room, grabbing a few books off the shelf on the way. “Do you have a preference for the book?” He asked qim softly. 

“On theme, let’s go for The Conquest of Bread,” Ancom said, smiling slightly. They curled up together, Commie with an arm around qim as he read softly. Qi wasn’t sure how long it was when he finished, but they stayed quiet after that, just holding each other. 

“Commie?” qi said after a few comfortable moments. “What’s it been like for you?” qi asked. 

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I mean… loving me. You know? What’s it been like? For you? What does it feel like?” 

“What does it feel like…” He repeated. “So far it’s felt like… so many things. It was… joy every time I looked at you, every time you touched me, or smiled, or said my name. And, and it was pain, when you pushed me away, over and over, or when I felt like I could never deserve you, or when I felt like I’d hurt you too much to ever be forgiven, or when it was you that was hurting, and seeing you cry hurt me too. And it was longing, when I laid beside you and I felt like it could never be enough, because I knew in the morning we’d have to part, and I couldn’t hold you forever. And it’s been sadness and anger and desire, sometimes all at once, and always I can feel it all right here in my chest,” he said. His voice was calm and controlled, but underneath it all, he seemed to be flooding with every emotion he was describing. “It’s so much at once, and it’s all overwhelming, and I can hardly put it into words. I’ve never felt like this with anyone before, but still somehow I… I know what it’s called. I know what it means. I love you. I love you more than anything.” Ancom’s heart practically swelled hearing his words, and qi pulled him into a long kiss. 

“Commie…” Qi whispered. Qir eyes welled up slightly, and qi pulled the bandage off, looking where qi knew his eyes were. “God, I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t have to say anything,” He whispered. “Just be here with me. That’s all I need. That’s all I want. After everything… This is all I need. You’re all I need.” 

“This is perfect. This… us… This is perfect. Somehow… Somehow i know that everything is going to be okay. I don’t know why. But somehow I know that everything is going to work out as long as I’m with you, as long as you’re beside me, and as long as we’re together. We’re going to win. I know it. I know everything will be okay. And… and I know I’m gonna see you again. I’m gonna get better, and we’re gonna fuckin overthrow capitalism.”

“But for now, I’m going to hold you. How does that sound?” 

“...Good. That sounds really good,” Ancom said softly. “Good,” Commie whispered back. He shifted qim in his arms, holding qim close to his chest, and they fell asleep like that.

There was nothing to worry about, not now anyway. Everything was alright. Everything was safe. The past was behind them, and the future was wide open, waiting to be found. Things were scary, they were uncertain, but together… Together they could face them. Together they could win. Together, they could build the world they’d always longed to see. They finally had the unity they’d always longed for, the unity and trust that had been broken so long ago was back, stronger than ever, and built on layers that couldn’t be dismissed so easily. There was work to do. There would always be work to do. But it could be done. And it would be done. Now it was possible, now it was inevitable. 

Things were going to get better.

They both knew it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all had a lovely valentine's day, and i hope you all enjoyed this ending <3  
> the fic can be ended here, but there is gonna be a cute lil epilogue to tie off ancom's sight!   
> i hope you all have loved this fic as much as I've loved writing it for you <3


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first real of end of a fic  
> i cant believe I've come this far  
> i hope you all enjoy the epilogue <3

It had been several months since Ancom was maced, and while qir eyes were  _ better,  _ they weren’t great. Qir vision was severely blurry and dark, and glasses could do no good. Qi was legally blind, at least until the surgery was scheduled. Qi honestly had no idea how Commie had managed to pay for it, and he refused to tell qim. 

They weren’t living together yet, but they might as well be. Commie had toiletries and about half his closet in Ancom’s room, and qi had the same in his. Their relationship was… Well, it was everything Ancom could have ever asked for. Being back together after so long was surprisingly easy. Being  _ together,  _ in a relationship… It was right. It was how it was supposed to be. 

Ancom wasn’t exactly looking forward to the surgery. Was it even actually going to work? Qi had to be  _ awake _ the whole time too, which made it even worse. Qi got to feel everything! How fun! (Would it even hurt? Qi had no idea.) At least Commie would be right there outside, waiting for qim. Ansyn and MarxFem were coming too, along with Posadist and Fal. Qi was just… really thankful. Really and truly thankful to have them all there with qim. 

MarxFem and Ansyn had been spending a lot of time together, and while neither of them had said anything specifically, qi was like, 90% sure they were dating now. Ansyn always teased Ancom for being dumb about feelings, but honestly, she was no better. She’d had a massive crush on MarxFem from the day they’d met. Ancom had heard  _ several  _ rants about how beautiful she was.

Commie had taken qim to the office where the surgery would take place and the others would be there afterwards. Qi mostly tuned out Commie’s conversation with the receptionist, anxiety building in qir stomach. What if it didn’t work at all? What if qi really would never see again? “Kiska,” Commie said, tapping qir shoulder. 

“Huh?” Ancom looked up at him. 

“You have to sign.” 

“Oh, geez,” qi muttered. He pressed a pen into qir hand, helping qim find the line on the paper. “This damned surgery better work, cause I can barely write my own name.”

Commie stayed with qim until qi was about to actually go in the room for surgery, kissing qim softly just before he had to go. “The next time you see me, you’re going to actually see me. I promise. I love you. I’ll see you in an hour, my sweet kiska.” 

“I’ll see you in an hour.” 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Qir eyes were rather sore after, and qi kept them closed for a few minutes while making qir way back to the lobby. Part of qim also didn’t want to see anything before Commie. “Ancom!” Commie’s arms were around qim almost immediately, and qi opened qir eyes a moment later, truly looking up at him for the first time in a century. 

“Holy  _ shit,”  _ qi breathed. “Fuck, Commie. I forgot how fucking hot you are.” Commie immediately went pink, and qi grinned up at him. Ancom could hear Ansyn snickering behind qim, but that wasn’t important. “Goddamn, my memories did not do you justice. I hit the fucking jackpot. I mean, seriously _ , _ holy shit. I have been  _ missing out.  _ Your eyes are the most beautiful things on this fucking planet. Fucking hell. Can I just look at you for the rest of my life? That jawline _ , _ my  _ god _ .” Qi traced his jaw and around one of his eyes, staring up at him all but entranced. “You’re so fucking hot, holy shit. I need to like, write a poem, holy fuck. I can’t even. You’re so hot.” Commie was bright pink by then, chewing on his lip slightly. “My boyfriend is so fucking hot. I am so fucking lucky, holy shit, he’s so—” Commie cut qim off then, kissing qim deeply. 

“You’re done now,” He told qim.

“No, I’m not! I have lots more to say!” 

“You can tell me later. Now go say hi to your sister and mine and Posadist and Fal. I think Fal is going to have an aneurysm if doesn’t get to show you his hair. He just redyed it yesterday for you.” 

“Fine. But I have  _ lots  _ more to say.” 

“I’m sure you do.” He kissed qir cheek, and qi turned to everyone else. Qi took everything in, Ansyn’s far shorter hair, still in loose ringlets, her pale green eyes looking back at qim, MarxFem’s slight wave to the end of her shoulder-length hair, her darker red eyes, and the way they held each other. Posadist was a bit more to take in, with neon orange… uh, skin? Four arms, two almost catlike eyes, a pair of mothlike antennae, and an enormous pair of buglike wings. Xe was emitting a happy buzz, xer antennae waving slightly. Qi wasn’t sure where Fal was at first, until qi found qimself tackled to the ground a second later by a very excited and mostly pink blur. “Hi!!!!!!” He squealed. “Hi, hi, hi!!!! I’m Fal!! You probably figured that out though. Do you like my hair? I redyed it yesterday, so it’s really bright pink, and MarxFem helped me with the rainbow part!! I’ve never had rainbow hair before!!! It’s so exciting!!!! Look!!! It’s rainbow coloured!!!! Do you like it??” Ancom couldn’t help but grin at the boy, ruffling his hair slightly. 

“I love it, Fal. You did really good.”

“I’m not disappointing, right? I live up to the image you had in your head, right?” 

“Oh, you could never disappoint me, Fal! You’re absolutely adorable.” 

“YAY!!! Did you see Possey? Don’t be scared, I think a lot of people are scared of Possey, but I think Possey is really cool!! Xe can  _ fly! _ Xe lets me fly with xem sometimes which is always really exciting and xe has a UFO which is really cool and it’s not quite the same as a space shuttle, I really want a space shuttle, but it’s close enough, and xe’s teaching me to fly it, and it’s really cool, and I’ll show it to you, and I have the real sputnik! I stole it, but I think that’s okay, because it should be mine, because I’m the embodiment of fully automated luxury gay space communism, and sputnik is the product of the USSR, and it was in space, and I think that means I should have it. I wanna steal a space shuttle, but space shuttles are a lot harder to steal, cause they’re a lot bigger, and I’ve done a lot of research on how to fly them, but it’s still really hard, and I wanna go to the moon someday, but Possey’s UFO isn’t  _ quite  _ space-proof yet, but xe promised xe’d take me there someday, and I have a real cosmonaut space suit! You should see it, it’s SO COOL! Commie got it for me, he’s the best big brother ever, I love him, I bet you love him too, you’ve known him a lot longer, so you know how great he is, and he’s just really amazing and I love him a lot, and he gets me spaceship models and I wanna show you my room, I have so many models, they’re all really cool, and maybe you can take me to the National Air and Space Museum at some point, cause I think that would be really fun!” Fal stopped suddenly. “I’m sorry, I got into a babble, didn’t I? You probably want to talk to your sister. Sorry, I just got really excited cause you can finally see me, and I wanted to show you all my stuff for a while.” 

“Don’t worry, Fal. I would like to get up though, if you don’t mind.” 

“Oh! Yeah, that’s fair!” He giggled, rolling off of qim and onto the ground. He popped up instantly, straightening his neon pink hoodie and bouncing back into the chair. Ancom picked qimself back up and pulled Ansyn off of MarxFem into a hug. 

  
“Hi,” Qi said, hugging her tightly. “I love your hair.” 

“Hi. I love seeing your eyes again, Ancom. I missed seeing them.” 

“It’s so weird being able to actually see again. It doesn’t even feel  _ real. _ ” 

“Good or bad?” 

“Good. So good. I’m so happy to see you all again. I really missed seeing you guys. Also, I’ve been meaning to ask for like a month, are you and MarxFem dating?”

“Well, uhm, yeah.”

“Thank god. I mean seriously Ansyn, you complain about  _ me  _ being oblivious, but you’re just as bad.” 

“...Shut up, Ancom. Go kiss your boyfriend.” 

“They hated qim because qi spoke the truth!” 

“I’m going to shove you through a wall.” 

“Ancom, god, have you seen her eyes? I can’t even believe that shade of red. She’s so beautiful I want to cry sometimes,” Qi grinned, imitating Ansyn almost perfectly.

“Shut up shut up shut up shut up.” 

“This is payback, just so you know.”

“I hate you so much sometimes.” 

“Hm, yes, valid. I also hate me sometimes.” 

“Ancom!” She scolded qim. “Alright, MarxFem and I have a date tonight. We gotta go now.” 

“See you!” Ancom said cheerfully, waving as the two women left. Qi looked over at Posadist, who had apparently decided the most comfortable place to sit was dangling from the stationary fan on the ceiling and was eating what at first glance appeared to be chips, but at second glance was clearly a chip bag full of rocks. This probably should have weirded qim out, but Posadist was just so batshit crazy, qi didn’t even question it. 

“So… Do you wanna go get dinner or something?” Commie asked qim. Qi turned to him, smiling softly. 

“Let’s go through the park.” 

“Alright. Posadist, will you take Fal home for me?” 

“Zure! Enjoy your date! Fal, do you want to go zteal zomething from the muzeum?” 

“Sure!” Fal chirped. 

“Bazed! Let’z go, I need zome materials for the zpace-proofing for my UFO.” 

“Okay!” Posadist flew out with Fal in close pursuit, and Ancom saw xem grab Fal by the hands just before shooting off into the sky, letting him dangle as xe flew. 

Ancom was practically silent as qi walked, qir mouth a small ‘o’ as qi looked around with wide eyes. “The world was so dark for so long… I’d almost forgotten how beautiful it all is…” Qi whispered. The sun was hanging low in the sky, casting the world in shades of pinks, yellows, and reds. When they reached the park, Ancom couldn’t help but beam, marvelling at the people all around, waving at dogs, and admiring flowers. Qi’d stopped to say hello to a puppy that was clearly very excited to be surrounded by other dogs and people, and when qi looked back at Commie, he had a very dark red rose in his hand. “I bought you something,” he said softly as qi walked back up to him. “Remember? The first time we were here together I gave you a lighter red rose.” Ancom took it from him, examining the petals. 

“It’s beautiful, Commie,” qi said softly. 

“You know… Back home, roses of darkening colours are given as relationships progress, symbolizing deepening feelings. I guess what I’m saying is… I want you to be mine forever. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, and I never want to be apart from you again. I know you’re not fond of the institution of marriage but, if you wanted to… I would. I really love you, Ancom.” Qi looked up at him with a blissful smile, reaching up to cup his face in qir hand. 

“I’m yours, Commie,” qi said softly. “I love you so much, god. We don’t need a piece of paper to show that we love each other, so I’m happy like this. God though, I want to be with you for the rest of time.” 

“Anything, kiska. Anything.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all enjoyed this fic as much as I've enjoyed writing it for you! thank you so much for all your kudos, your comments, your bookmarks, and your art! you're all angels and i adore each and every one of you!
> 
> keep an eye out for my next long fic, I've got something coming on May first that if you liked this fic, you'll for sure like ;3
> 
> (there's also gonna be two other fics in this universe! they focus on marxfem and ansyn, and posadist, fal and nazbol :3)


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